Finances and maternity

[welliving]

Hi everyone! I’ve just seen another thread about joint finances and pregnancy which has got me thinking about my own! I’m not sure if I’m being reasonable or not so looking for some advice.
Background - I’m 24 weeks pregnant and partner and I have been together 9 months so not long at all. (I know I’ll get flamed for this!)
We moved in together at the start of September. We’re renting and my name is the only one on the tenancy and the household bills - this was my choice because I felt more secure that way, although I’m not sure if that was the right thing to do? We split the rent and all the household bills 50/50. I’m not sure exactly how much he earns, I’ve never asked- he runs his own business so it’s not a set salary, but he told my best friend it was around £60k a year when we had dinner with them once. I work full time on minimum wage, between 40-45 hours a week which comes in at 17-18k a year. As I said we split rent and household bills 50/50 and he sends me the money for his half every month. He also pays for all food shopping as he earns far more than I do. I’m not sure how we should be splitting our money, especially once baby is here and I’m on maternity. I’ll be getting SMP once baby is here. I’ve been buying a few things for baby every week to spread the cost, and will either send him a link for something and ask him to get it or send me some money towards it. I feel like I’m constantly having to ask him for small amounts of money which I hate doing but also don’t want to end up paying for all baby things myself. He earns more but has much higher outgoings than me. The 50/50 split of bills doesn’t include our car insurance, car tax etc. I also pay all the bills for our dog, although he buys her food and treats. I don’t want to come across like I’m after his money or anything like that. Is the way we split things now fair? How would you suggest we do it once I go on maternity? I will be returning to work after maternity, although I haven’t decided how many hours I’ll do once I go back.

Can I ask why people advise giving baby my surname? Thank you for everyone’s advice so far it’s been really helpful!

Because MN consider men second class citizens when it comes to being a parent

Anyway.....bills should be split 50/50 except bills which are "your own" ie his car cost, this rent he pays to his mother. I don't believe in splitting things according to income - just because he earns more doesn't mean he should top up your spending money (non baby related spending money obviously). I earn 3x more than DH because I've worked bloody hard over the years....he hasn't. Doesn't mean he's entitled to have the same spending money as me just by virtue of us being married

"he pays his mum £300 rent a month for his old house which they own 50/50 even though he isn’t living in it."
Eh?! Does he own his half outright or is he paying a mortgage on it? If he's not living there is it empty? If so surely they should rent it out and split the profit 50/50?

I think cohabiting couples should always split shared expenses in proportion to income. ie if he earns £60k and you earn £20k, he should pay 75% and you should pay 25%. Then readjust as incomes change ie when you're on SMP (£151.20/week) that proportion will change again.

You shouldn't have to ask him for money for every little thing. You could get a joint account that you both transfer money into by standing order, then use it for joint expenses. Or he could just set up a standing order into your account to cover his share.

But you really must sit down together and discuss all this properly. You're having a baby together and if you're not going to share all finances (which is not for everyone) you do still need to agree a fair split which means he should contribute in proportion to his earnings.

As PPs have said, you're in a vulnerable position as you're not married, and you should definitely go back to work - sooner rather than later if he's not willing to suppprt you and the baby financially.

And yes, give baby your own surname. With or without his surname as an additional surname or as a middle name.

@ivfbeenbusy

Can I ask why people advise giving baby my surname? Thank you for everyone’s advice so far it’s been really helpful!

Because MN consider men second class citizens when it comes to being a parent

Anyway.....bills should be split 50/50 except bills which are "your own" ie his car cost, this rent he pays to his mother. I don't believe in splitting things according to income - just because he earns more doesn't mean he should top up your spending money (non baby related spending money obviously). I earn 3x more than DH because I've worked bloody hard over the years....he hasn't. Doesn't mean he's entitled to have the same spending money as me just by virtue of us being married

This with bells on!

Because MN consider men second class citizens when it comes to being a parent

Er no it's because it's quite sexist to automatically give a child the father's surname, but in the majority of cases people do without even questioning it.

Yet it means that should the relationship fail or should the father bugger off and abandon them, mother and child are stuck with having different surnames and the inconvenience that causes. It's a simple matter to change surnames later on should they marry or decide together, but not the other way round.

Also, if he earns £60k/year, you can claim child benefit but he may need to pay some of it back:
www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge

If you decide not to claim child benefit, you can (and should) still register for it but not claim the money - then you'll still get NI credits. And consider the lost child benefit when working out a fair organisation of finances.