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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does this mean and what should I do?

12 replies

roseblossom2020 · 28/11/2020 22:19

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible.

My boyfriend and I dated for a year. It was very tumultuous and I think we partly weren’t suited and partly I just wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. We broke up over a year ago and it was extremely painful, for me in particular. We tried to stay friends but in the end I couldn’t. However we started talking again in May this year and since then we speak all the time. I wanted to try again back then but he made it clear it wouldn’t work out and he didn’t want to.

The thing is we talk all the time on the phone sometimes 3-4 hours a day. Last week he referred to me as his best friend. Today he said wouldn’t it be fun to go somewhere over Christmas and I said yeh we should and he said “well we shouldn’t really. We should really move on” and I said what do you mean and he said oh we’d end up having sex and I said oh I don’t think we would and he said oh ok, then we wouldn’t then. And the conversation just moved on. In the last two days we’ve both said as well that we’re on dating sites and have been talking to people.

I think I’ve accepted it’s over and more than that I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I guess I still feels bit sad though.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 28/11/2020 22:22

Stop picking at a scab and block him

Pessismistic · 28/11/2020 22:26

Sorry your going through this but don't go backwards he may be in touch a lot now but what happens to you when he meets someone new who is keeping him occupied don't be used by him until then it will hurt you more. Your head will be messed up big time especially knowing hes sleeping with someone new and not you. I've been there got the tshirts. Good luck op.

cakecakecheese · 28/11/2020 22:33

You will never move on from him while this sort of contact is going on. Stop it now.

Lampan · 28/11/2020 23:25

He doesn’t want you but he probably doesn’t want you to move on either. By keeping in friendly contact, he’s probably trying to absolve himself of any guilt/hurt caused by your break-up.
It sounds like he’s manipulating you by saying things to make you confused (the ‘we’d end up having sex’ comment) and dangling ideas in front of you then snatching them away. It’s cruel. Hard as it may be, you need a clean break.

Lampan · 28/11/2020 23:30

Oh and don’t go away with him, it would just be a complete headf**k. If you ended up having sex he’d just back off again saying he had told you it wasn’t a good idea etc. That would probably make you feel awful.

Notcontent · 28/11/2020 23:41

Don’t let him mess with your head like that. Stop the chats - it’s not good for you.

RantyAnty · 28/11/2020 23:50

Yes, stop talking to him. Don't be his temporary entertainment.

litterbird · 29/11/2020 11:23

Block immediately he is just keeping you as "back up girl" to soothe his ego. You must stop now and move on with your own life.

Monr0e · 29/11/2020 12:48

You are an ego boost for him, nothing more.

You will never meet someone right fir you while you are still so invested in this one

RosesandPumpkins · 29/11/2020 15:38

He’s holding on to you until he meets someone else. Harsh but true

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2020 15:41

I think the fact you still call him your boyfriend speaks volumes, that’s how you see him, for your sake I think you need to reduce contact as you’re not able to move on when it’s like this.

littlebirdieblue · 29/11/2020 15:42

Please block him, he is using you until he meets someone else. The 'we'd end up having sex' comment was him testing you to see if you were up for a 'no strings shag' good for you saying it wouldn't happen. Now please as pp said stop picking at the scab and block him. You deserve much better

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