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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant and cheated on.

20 replies

Namechange11x · 28/11/2020 22:12

Name change because its so embarrassing but need to vent before my head explodes!
I am 25 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child, dh has a child age 10 from previous relationship and 2 with me and 1 on the way. Him and his ex have always had a strange relationship that tbh i have found very difficult, i put this aside as I felt I was just feeling a bit insecure! She is very flirty, has no boundaries whatsoever, DH was always open about this to me but now im second guessing whether it was both of them not just her.
So cutting the long shitty story short he has told me he has been sleeping with his ex for the last 4 months when dropping dss home!! He says it was a big mistake and he doesnt know why he done it, he keeps texting me now asking about the kids and the pregnancy, I literally just want him to fuck off. I've been looking after their dc whilst he's been working, run off my feet with my 2 toddlers of my own, and pregnant all for him to drop his dc home and shag the mum! Im so embarrassed. Why has he done this?! I cant think of any logical explanation. I feel so sick the thought if they get back together and i end up having to send my children to go play happy families with them. Im also wondering why he is telling me this now?! What would you do in this situation?
Apologies for the rambling I really am all over the place.

OP posts:
Inexperiencedchick · 28/11/2020 22:30

💐😐

I’m very sorry, and angry on your behalf...

Pessismistic · 28/11/2020 22:30

What a shitty thing to do please don't look after his dc ever again and get rid asap. Imagine your future every time he drops off his dc your mind will be going into overdrive once is a big mistake 4 months is a no no she was probably threatening to tell you herself but he's done it thinking its the right thing to do but telling his ex to fuck off in the beginning was the right thing to do. I hope u are OK sending hugs.

cakecakecheese · 28/11/2020 22:30

Oh bloody hell, I'm so sorry.

Don't try and find a logical explanation, there isn't one aside from him being a giant asshat.

Don't be embarrassed, he should be, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Have you told anyone? You'll need a lot of support with this.

nimbuscloud · 28/11/2020 22:34

Unbelievable!!!
Make sure he pays full maintenance for all the children.

Princessbanana · 28/11/2020 22:37

😳 omg, what a complete asshole. I honestly could never forgive him for that. Obviously you may feel differently as you are the one with children to him and one on the way. Do you both live together? Did you kick him out or did you take the children to stay somewhere else? I assume you are married? I’m so sorry, this is horrendous, I can’t imagine how you must feel.💐

Namechange11x · 28/11/2020 22:43

He's just had the cheek to now message saying "i dont care or want to be with either of you anyway" talk about kicking someone when they are down. I dont understand what is going on at all everything was fine!
I keep thinking what if he's got her pregnant and that's why he is telling me now, I think that's me thinking worst case scenario but still.

OP posts:
Namechange11x · 28/11/2020 22:48

@Princessbanana yes we are married and live together but I have kicked him out, i cannot see him right now. I dont think I possibly can be with him after this even if I tried it would never work out because she will always be in his life with dsc

OP posts:
Wendyhaus · 28/11/2020 22:51

He sounds like one of those serial impregnators. Spends his time getting women pregnant and then failing to do the right thing and support his children properly. Better be rid of him now than months or years down the line after being made even more miserable by him. I hope you get the support of your family etc. and the financial side sorted because being a single parent to 3 young ones will be tough.
He really does sound like a waste of space.

isaidwhatisaid · 28/11/2020 22:52

Sorry you're going through this.
Was he apologetic when he first told you? I wonder if he came clean because his ex threatened to tell you.

RogueV · 28/11/2020 22:53

You can’t be with him he has been a complete wanker. So sorry you are going through this! Horrendous message afterwards as well Sad

letsdolunch321 · 28/11/2020 22:56

What a vile piece of shit. He needs his dick chopping off.

Who does he think he is saying I don't love either of you!! He needs to downsize his ego.

Pack his clothes leave them
Outside, get his door keys back and take him for every penny that you can.

pinkdragons · 28/11/2020 22:58

Thank goddess you've already kicked him out. Now stick to it.
Don't let him back, you'll never be happy.

Yeah I wonder what made him confess. Perhaps he was worried she would tell you herself.

chloe23x · 28/11/2020 23:02

I honestly feel for you and know how your feeling! My partner cheated on me when I was pregnant and I made the decision to stay with him, sometimes wished I'd of left him there and then but at such a vulnerable time as it is it's easier said than done and your a lot stronger than me!

Namechange11x · 28/11/2020 23:15

I think im even more confused as I expected him to grovell but he is literally just like yeah i fucked up i dont want either of you. Its like he doesn't care at all Sad I have honestly done so much for him and even his ex - she would always run out of money and I'd pay her out of my own pocket to get a food shop or top up her gas and electric to then see her out on the weekend splashing all my money but I couldn't ever say no because what if she genuinely had no money and dss went hungry. Feel like such a fucking idiot.
@chloe23x im really sorry i hope you are OK its just awful that they can do it at all but especially when carrying their child Sad and believe me I am not strong at all ive spent the majority of the day hiding tears from my children. X

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 28/11/2020 23:17

There seems to be a lot of crappy men out there. At least now you know you can stop giving money to his ex.

Namechange11x · 28/11/2020 23:19

@nimbuscloud yeah thats a positive in all this hahaha

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 28/11/2020 23:30

Please don't be embarrassed. Any embarrassment should - and will - be his.

This situation is sadly more common than you'd think.

Keep all the shit messages he sends ready for when you divorce the twat.

i dont care or want to be with either of you anyway

Presenting as quite the spoiled brat, isn't he? He can't play with his wifetoy any more, so says he doesn't want to play with it anyway Hmm

Closetbeanmuncher · 28/11/2020 23:33

I'm even more confused as I expected him to grovell but he is literally just like yeah i fucked up i dont want either of you. Its like he doesn't care at all

Oldest trick in the book, please don't fall for this one....He expects to shock you into grovelling to him and you'll never be allowed to mention it again.

Why has he done it? He thinks because you're pregnant he has you over a barrel, that's why.

Looking after and paying for his child and he repays you like this?? I don't fucking think so.

Get rid of him OP and never look back. Fucking waste.

Closetbeanmuncher · 28/11/2020 23:34

Presenting as quite the spoiled brat, isn't he? He can't play with his wifetoy any more, so says he doesn't want to play with it anyway

Absolutely this.

Sisterlove · 28/11/2020 23:36

I reckon his Ex has threatened to tell you, so his hand has been forced. He obviously hasn't confessed put of guilt or remorse.

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