I have a 3 month old and partner just left me

[Mongie1231]

Hi everyone, am new to this but thought I would reach out and hopefully find others in a similar situation. I have a 3 month old baby girl who means the world to me, she is my lil rainbow after 3 loses. I just moved home and my partner of 7yrs just left us, he has had an issue with paying to support us while I am on maternity. I have always been the breadwinner in the relationship and now I can't afford to do that. So he just left.. I already suffer from psychosis and I am been supported by the perinatal mental health team, but am now a bit lost and struggling to cope 😢

Oh you poor thing, what a shock! Do you have anyone who can come and help you for a while while you process all this and make a plan about what you are going to do?

Stay strong, you will get through this x

So sorry OP. Do you have supportive family or friends around? Wishing you all the best.

Oh lovey I’m so sorry to hear that xx have you told the perinatal mental health team what has happened?

Get in touch with your mental health team and your HV, apply for whatever benefits you can, and make sure your ex pays CMS.

Reach out to your family/friends to support you. You can do this OP.

You'll get through this. Where are you living?

Oh how crap for you please get as much as you can. Financial and emotional support and counselling. why do men bail so easily on there kids it frustrates me so much how easy it is to walk away. 3 months didnt give it too long. kids are for life not just for the time until you have had enough and want a new life because this ones too hard. Sorry for the rant but it makes me so mad. You see mainly women staying in a shitty relationship because they don't want to ruin there kids lives men just go oh well its not for me I'm out.

Thank you for your kind words and support I live in the Brighouse area, because this is a new this my nurse is aware but are next meeting is in a few days.. I do have family and friends but unfortunately they cannot help due to other commitments. He is refusing to pay for any bills he still ows from the old house also and CMS say I will only get £7 a week? How is that right, I box of milk is £8, its disgusting.. i just have to be alright.. I can take certain meds am on now either due to there side effects and me been alone.. its a lot to try figure out x

I can't advise you since I have no clue about benefits and do not know what CMS is, but surely you will get help from your doctor or the nurse or your health visitor ?
If you are on maternity leave will you be getting pay ?

OP that is dreadful. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it feels like the world is ending but you will be ok.

My husband left when my children were small babies like yours. The shock leaves you reeling but try to focus on practicalities. It's not ideal but I cut my mat leave short and went back to work soon afterwards. If you were the breadwinner you can provide for your baby. Put all thoughts of him aside and focus on what you need to do for the two of you. You can do this.

Get yourself on entitledto . com and look at what benefits you can get now you are in this situation.
£7 PW is the standard amount if he is on benefits - does he work ?

OP, if you say brighouse as in West Yorkshire I am from an area 10 mins away from there.

Please do not worry - help is available for you.

I contacted the UC to get an advanced loan but they declined and told me to ring welfare support (calderdale council) and I was called back the same day and was referred to a charity based in Halifax which came out and kindly donated me with the essential things I needed such as baby clothes, nappies, wipes, milk. The lady also asked about food for myself and could arrange food parcels To be brought out. These things were brought out in under 2 hours.

I know it’s not a long term solution but it will help you out of a dark hole whilst you find your feet.

If you are from that area and would like to speak please feel free to pm me

Hi op
If your ex is not working he will roughly pay £30 a month.
Depending on your income you could be entitled to Healthy start vouchers. It's not a lot but it's something.
Ring the council and get a council tax reduction.
Contact Citizens Advice who will do a budget plan with you. You will then be able to see what you can afford.
Before you return to work you will need to consider: cost of childcare. From my experience this is about £950 a month. Five days a week, full days. You can get up to 85% paid from Universal Credit but you have to pay the first month first. Your application for universal credit also must include childcare.
If you rent they will help you with paying that but I'm sure there is a cap depending on your income and where you live.
If you have a mortgage they will not help you for a certain period of time and even then it's a loan and they pay just the interest. Speak to your mortgage company and see if it's possible for a mortgage holiday or reduced payment plan. But that will affect your credit rating.
Contact your water company and get a reduced rate in water. I don't know how much you use in gas and electric but switch to a cheaper rate.
Save and reduce as much as you can.
This is going to be shit. It is going to be tough. Three month old will hopefully sleep a lot during the day so make calls send emails then as well as trying to rest. Do your best to eat well, sleep as much as you can. Prepare, organize. You can do it💐

How are you doing OP? When my husband left it was also in the run up to Christmas so I know it must be feeling very upsetting. I have been thinking of you.