Other man (I know I'm scum)

[wetasstenalady]

I fell into an affair situation last year. Tale as old as time. My husband neglected me emotionally and physically and after discussing with him for several years and no change but due to complex circumstances started seeing another man. He was (he claimed) in a similar situation and wanted out as he felt he couldn't live with things as they were. He talked about our future a lot. Suddenly I realised how bad he is when he said he and his wife were relocating however he still wanted to continue with our affair. I said how the hell are you making a go of it with your wife if you want to start seeing me? No it's done.
He has messaged me now and again saying he wants to stay 'friends' but has hinted heavily he would still meet for sex. In fact he straight out asked the other day. The thing is I've no intention of continuing this affair as he has said he wants to make a go of it with his wife and it's a disgrace. When I thought we had a future I didn't mind so much. I'm just finding it so hard to get him out my head.
Anyone who has been there have any advice?

Block him, as a start.

I have done this and he will always find another medium to contact me with
I just need reassurance that it doesn't sound like he wants to commit to me and never will

Do your paths cross often in RL?

Do you need him in your life? I would probably look elsewhere if I were you tbh.

He definitely doesn't want to commit to you.
Focus on how you felt when you realised he just wanted you as his bit on the side.
And use that to support you in ignoring his pathetic selfishness.

Why would he want to commit to someone who is already married?

He just enjoys chasing you. If he leaves his wife he wont shack up with you as by having an affair you are just as tainted as he is

Are you leaving your husband if he’s so awful?

Block the OM on everything. When he moves away with his wife you won’t be bumping into him.

@AnneLovesGilbert I have had the convo with my husband. He knows it's as bad as it gets. He wants to try therapy before ending things

Are you still with your husband even though the affair started last year?

Sort your own life out first before either shagging this man again or someone else. Leave your husband (and if you've had sex with him at all since being with the other man he needs to be told so he can take a STD test).

Where are posters getting that she bumps into him?

Me and DH haven't had sex for three years (part of the reason I had an affair)
And leaving is really not as cut and dried. When I've discussed it he says he will not leave the house and if we split he would quit his job so he couldn't give us any money

@wetasstenalady

Me and DH haven't had sex for three years (part of the reason I had an affair) And leaving is really not as cut and dried. When I've discussed it he says he will not leave the house and if we split he would quit his job so he couldn't give us any money

Why should he leave when you're the one who had an affair? Shouldn't it be you leaving?

But you were going to leave for this other guy? And didn’t mind him cheating on his wife when you thought you were leaving them together?

No I mean before the affair when I've discussed wanting to separate

@Bluntness100 I thought their marriage was done. But he told me he wasn't going to be with me like that anymore.
As he owed it to her to give her another chance

He knows it's as bad as it gets. He wants to try therapy before ending things

Does he know about the affair? If not you should be honest. Give him a chance to end the marriage instead of wasting time, money and energy on therapy.

'Fell into'.

Riiiiiiiiiggghhht.

I told him I'd fell for another man. He said he didn't want to know anymore
He said he couldn't blame me at all

This man will neeeever commit to you, he plans to relocate with his wife and just wants you for seedy sex,how charming and why would you want to be with someone who only sees you for this, even if he did end up with you he would cheat on you too. Know you deserve more and don't have any of it from it, maybe start a fresh and leave your husband too youve tried talking and hes not having it and its also not fair that you've cheated. End it all

I agree with wide. I think you sound quite sad and lonely if I'm honest, get your finances improved and leave that man you married. He sounds awful. Good luck.

I think you need to grow up and move on from your husband and the other man. Do you have dependents?

Why are you on here wittering about this cheating creep?

You won't be penniless if you split from your husband.
Check out your rights in that direction and get it sorted.
You don't have to have counselling if you're sure it's over.

You clearly don't want to stay married to your husband. You need to go and see a solicitor and go from there. It's not fair to lead him on with therapy even if that's what he wants.

When I've discussed it he says he will not leave the house and if we split he would quit his job so he couldn't give us any money

So basically your dh is blackmailing you to stay.

And the affair partner has chosen his wife, but still wants you on the side.

It's not great, is it?

I think you should call your husband's bluff and separate anyway. Do you work?

Yes I have teenage kids