Single and starting over at 36

[Unsurefuture]

At the end of a year long relationship. Will be starting over aged 36. No marriage or kids yet. I am trying to remain hopeful. But often end up feeling very panicked. Is it too late? I struggle to meet men I really click with. Can’t go it alone with starting a family.

Need a hand hold

You’ll be fine! You have plenty of time to meet someone new. I met my DH at 39 (and dated a range of people from 36!). Just don’t settle if they’re not right for you.

You will be fine if you embrace single life. Is it society that puts this huge pressure to have a married life and kids? Is it ourselves desperate to feel part of the 'norm'. There are so many threads on here and they seem to be getting more from lovely ladies as yourself at your age wretched about a prospect of life without a husband and children. I have a large group of friends due to my 2 jobs. There are half a dozen of my lady friends who are in their 50s who have remained unmarried and childless. A couple of them just didn't find the right man so have remained single. I have many friends who have married, remarried, divorcing, single parents etc etc. Of all my friends I can honestly say the happiest ones and the ones who have the most exciting and fulfilling lives are the single, unmarried and childless ones. I know this may not be the road you want to travel down but I want you not to fear anything in life. Your path is what you choose to take, but always look at alternatives before jumping into any relationship which might bring you marriage and children. You may live to regret it.

You will be fine if you embrace single life.

This is key. I know someone in the same situation who is bitter and depressed. Please don't become that woman.

If your ultimate goal relationship wise is marriage and kids, then you are closer to that now, single, then you were when you were in the wrong relationship. You are progressing in the right direction.

In fact, with all your experiences behind you, in a situation where you are free to find someone else, you are closer than you have ever been before.

Marriage kids... highly highly overrated. Most people I think are content to unhappy. Some are very happy - few I think.
Good luck finding someone but whatever you do don’t settle. You’ll be miserable in the long run.
Speaking from experience.

Hi there. I’m in the same boat except I’m separated & childless at 40. I got married as I cared about my H & I really wanted a baby. Now I’m headed for divorce & childless! I honestly don’t know what’s ahead!

I like this perspective:

Of all my friends I can honestly say the happiest ones and the ones who have the most exciting and fulfilling lives are the single, unmarried and childless ones

I sometimes feel a deep ache as I realise that time is simply running out (or probably already has) to have a child. One friend of mine glibly said ‘everything is still there for you’ but I’m 40 & I’m not in a relationship so everything isn’t! I prefer when people are honest with me & like the above quote, make me see the positives of single, childless life. I love children & it shocks me I don’t have 6 of them by now! Life is very very funny. However, I’m on a journey to appreciate my potential (right now I’m in bed but hey, that’s part of the journey).

You still have time on your side but I would urge you to try to get into a relaxed frame of mind because it’ll be impossible to meet the right father of your children from a place of intense longing-I've done it & so I know how easy it is to make a fatal error.

Lots of my friends had children in their 40s, you’ll be fine

@Changedforaquickquestion

That’s lovely to hear that lots of your friends had children in their 40s. I’m separated & 40 with no romantic leads; so I do think I may have missed the boat now but it’s always lovely to hear those stories.

I met my husband at 36. We met online and and have a child together now. It can happen for you too

I’m 32 so a little younger but I left a long term relationship at the begging of 2019 and had all the same worries. I met the love of my life a few months later and now engaged and have a newborn son :) Things can move faster when you meet the right one so don’t give up hope and just try to enjoy where you are currently in life without the worry of certain things never happening. Chances are if you knew for certain they would happen you would enjoy your life more so don’t let fear ruin your happiness now.

Take kids out of the equation.

Some people drive themselves nuts thinking about things like marriage and babies instead of just living their life. They also date any old loser because they let their hormones rule their head.

I'd regret dating crap men far more than something that didn't happen.

Just focus on enjoying your life. Whatever will be will be. Most marriages don't last and probably the majority of ppl having kids...shouldn't.

Pick a different path. If it pans out that you get those opportunity, great. But there are equally great other ways to live your life.

Don't fixate and you'll be fine.