Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking about ex recently after moving quick in a new relationship, help? Also just struggling to deal with emotions

2 replies

AuroraKitten1 · 28/11/2020 14:35

Okay so I don’t really post on places like this because I find it hard to say what I need to say and get to the point well. But I just would like some advice because I can’t really deal with my feelings atm.
This might end up being really long but I’ll try and make it as short as possible😂
I was with my ex from 14-19 (ended September this year) and towards the end of the relationship it became quite toxic and one sided, he was dealing with bad anxiety and other mental healthy issues which I used as excuses for why he wasn’t making much effort with me and still believe now a bit. Before I ended the relationship I joined a discord server just to have people to talk to and distract me from how alone I felt. Ended up talking to one of the owners of it a lot (it’s a very small, close group so this wasn’t anything strange, everyone is super tight knit on it). He basically showed me how happy I could be and how well I deserved to be treated and gave me the final push I needed to end things with my ex. The break up wasn’t the worst but it was all done over text and we haven’t had the chance to meet and talk in person though we said we were going to. Anyways, me and the guy from discord moved quite quickly and feelings developed fast. We met up (he lived about a 3 hour drive away) in October and things went well, we both had planned on moving out of home asap so it just seemed easier to try it together so we just moved into a flat together where I’m from and it’s going well so far, I can’t complain about anything. But. The problem is that recently my mind has been wandering back to my ex and thinking about him, sort of missing him but I know that he treated me like dirt and I was rarely happy with him because of how he made me feel. I think things with my current boyfriend have just moved very fast and although I’m happy with him and everything that’s going on, it’s just been quick and my brain hasn’t really caught up yet on what’s happening so my emotions are a bit all over the place making me think about my ex and wonder how he’s doing as I was always kind of a motherly figure in his life as well as his girlfriend so I still felt some responsibility towards him when we broke up because I didn’t know how it would affect him and if he’d have anyone to talk to when I was out of his life
I’m not sure if this makes sense or if I’ve left things out/included unnecessary things but just any advice on what I should do would be great. I really don’t want to change anything with my boyfriend now and I don’t think anything does need changed with us, I’m just a very overthinking person and struggle with dealing normally when it comes to emotions and feelings, I tend to push things down or act like nothings bothering me and everything’s perfect.
Honestly I have no clue what I should even be feeling atm or how I should be coping with things in my life rn but I do know that I should be happier than I am, especially with everything going on this year, I have nothing huge to complain about if anything I should be grateful for everything that’s happened to me recently but I just feel kind of alone still and like I don’t know what I want anymore if I ever even did.
If you’ve read this far, thank you, you deserve a medal because I’m a mess and this has gone so off the point but feel free to give me any advice you might have😂thanks

OP posts:
Stupidgirl77 · 28/11/2020 14:53

I could have written this a while ago, I moved on from my last relationship very quick, too quickly looking back and we moved in together at the beginning of the last lock down, now I have problems (see my other thread) and my mind keeps wandering back to my ex (who would never in a million years have done what my boyfriend is/or isn't doing) as well. I guess it is a lesson to have a longer break between relationships and not move on too quickly, get to know the other person for at least a year before moving in together that's all. Don't forget you left the other guy for valid reasons...

Bunnymumy · 28/11/2020 14:55

No wonder you don't know if you're coming or going. Straight out of a 5 year relationship into another one and moving in with him.

It would have been wise to take some time single between them. And moving in with new guy...it was a huge and silly risk. Especially leaving a toxic partner as often we are really vulnerable for a while after that...and other toxic sorts can spot that.

Hopefully the new fella is as lovely as you think. But please be aware of tactics such as 'love bombing' just incase. Keep your bank accounts separate and make sure to earn your own money incase you have to leave asap.

I'm not sure how you are going to get the headspace to get past the prior relationship whilst living with a new man. But if he was toxic, reading up on narcissists (npd) might help. Melanie tonia evan's does good youtube videos on them. They might help you come to terms with how he really wasnt good for you and is not worth missing. Added benefit of helping you spot ppl like that in future.

Hopefully new partner isnt more of the same but knowing your red flags is always useful.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page