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OLD woes

7 replies

ChangeyNameyTimey · 28/11/2020 10:14

I've recently re-activated my OLD accounts after a few months off because of covid. I've got accounts on Okcupid, Match and Jdate. I'm 31 and looking for straight men and I cannot believe how hard it is. The overwhelming majority of profiles I see either haven't written anything / have only written 1 word, are looking for hookups or non-monogamous relationships or they have another major red flag like they write about how extremely kinky they are and could only date someone who wants to be tied up and hit or that they’re only here for a few weeks and they actually live abroad. All of my friends seem to have found committed relationships but I can’t even find someone to go on a date with.

I’ve tried messaging men I like the look of and I’ve got as far as video calling a couple of times but the conversation dies out if I don’t put in a lot of effort which he doesn’t reciprocate. I talk to people a lot at work so I’m quite natural talking to strangers but these conversations feel like pulling teeth. I get one word responses or really awkward “jokes” for example I was video calling one guy right after a Jewish holiday and he said something about how I’m a good person to date because I must be wealthy because I’m Jewish.

I might not be the most exciting or beautiful woman ever but I’m not terrible either. I’ve been told that I’m a good friend. I have a masters degree and a career which I’m happy in. I run marathons. I’ve done a couple of long distance hiking trails and quite a few cycle tours and I’ve travelled a lot and lived abroad for several years. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I can’t find someone in real life, especially at the moment, and it seems like OLD isn’t working for me either.

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 28/11/2020 10:26

I've found OLD to be exactly the same OP. The majority of profiles are extremely poorly written so I tend to avoid those. Even the ones that have a lot of info or are funny or interesting end up being really hard to chat to. I find that the men seem to give very brief answers, lots of lols and dont ask any questions back. The conversations dwindle because you run out of things to say. I'm very chatty and try and show humour and interest but its hard work.
You see the same faces there month after month so I assume other women find them the same. I take regular breaks and its depressing to come back on and see all the same men.

SortingItOut · 28/11/2020 10:36

Come and join us on the dating thread, its a group for moral support and sharing of news (good/bad) of dates and a place to ask questions.

Unfortunately its normal to be disillusioned with OLD so early on.

Asantesana · 28/11/2020 11:57

Aaah OP, these dating platforms are a minefield through which one has to tiptoe with extreme caution, circumspection, eyes and ears wide open and wits fully tuned.

I joined one a few months ago, wrote a very lengthy biography, as honestly as I could, the good and the bad, did my best to represent myself truly, tried to make it lighthearted too and different to the normal generic "my friends would describe me as..." type, boring, formulaic offerings, in the hope that someone would see beyond the written word. Nothing, absolutely nothing - I was starting to wonder if my profile was even live! Granted, my pictures are not brilliant and I am not attractive physically. Also, my writing style is a little old fashioned, perhaps a bit lengthy, wordy and maybe slightly 'clunky'. But that is the way I tend to write or vocalise my thoughts!! For weeks and weeks I did not even get a single view, let alone a 'like' or message. Then, suddenly, I was subjected to a couple of messages, out of the blue, from people who I had not even viewed - nasty, vitriolic messages which dented my confidence and wounded me very deeply. Really hurtful. But then, a week or so later, someone sauntered along, hands in pockets, whistling, rather diffidently sent me a message to say that my profile was vastly different, honest and refreshing. I was over the moon, and we struck up a text conversation, followed by a phone call. Singlehandedly, and without even being aware of it, this person, who has the biggest, warmest, most generous heart imagineable, restored my faith and belief that there ARE some real, genuine people on these sites, using them properly for their intended purpose!

Sadly, it is not likely to progress beyond an online friendship for me, due to various factors, but we are staying in touch, following one another's progress and willing one another on to find our respective nuggets of pure gold amongst the base metal and dross. I have made a new friend, even if we never meet in real life, and that is one positive to have come out of itSmile

In the meantime I am taking a step back from the site, licking my wounds and will just see if anything happens organically and naturally, though the low poulation density and limited demographic where I live makes the chances of meeting someone, with whom I would like to connect, slim to nil!

Goodness, that was long, but cathartic, my apologies!

OP, I wish you all the very best, keep buggering on, as Churchill would have said, you never know who is out there!

For reference, and transparency, I am in an older age group than you and a different sex, but the problems are not dissimilar!

Asantesana · 28/11/2020 12:02

Paragraph 4 should read "lower population density" - proof read before posting, the cardinal rule!😳

hustler2020 · 28/11/2020 12:35

@Asantesana

loved your post!!

good for you for not bowing out to trolls!!
hope you find your goldStar

Sparklfairy · 28/11/2020 13:35

@Asantesana that's really really lovely Smile

Asantesana · 28/11/2020 14:15

@hustler2020 and @Sparklfairy, thank you so very much, it is much appreciatedBlush

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