Anxiety after narcissist abuse

[Christmashappy]

Hi
I have recently ended a 4 year relationship with a narcissist, I was so positive about the split and felt strong.
I even got my kids a puppy fresh start.
The anxiety I am experiencing is crippling, constant worry over whether I should have got the pup, also I miss the narcissist.
I know I shouldn't but its causing me physical pain and all I can think of is the good memories not the reality. X

Hello Christmashappy

Could you ask your ex husband if he would look after the puppy?

You may find this helpful too.

www.youniversetherapy.com/post/learned-helplessness-are-you-really-trapped

I hope this helps. x

www.youniversetherapy.com/post/we-need-to-talk-about-narcissism

Just saw this. The above may remind yourself of why you made the choice to leave the relationship.

Eh, shouldn't op be going NC with a narc.

You will get through this, the puppy will get easier but please don't give in and re start contact.

You know what he is, read up on the sphere of influence with narcs.
Youv'e been so brave to get away.

Can you go to the GP for help?

Hand hold

@tickertyboo

Hi
He can't as he is in a flat, he said he will help when she is trained.
Apparently puppy blues is a thing added to the break up its just not great but I am going to have to ride it out.
X

@Onthedunes
Thanks so much.
Its been an awful time, very dark thoughts :( xx

It's really normal to grieve after leaving abuse, to miss the abuser and/or the familiarity of their abuse, and just as normal to find it very difficult to trust your ability to make decisions when you no longer have the abuser intervening in everything you do.

Abuse also traumatises you, but when you're living with the abuse your brain stays in survival mode and can't process any of it. Once you are away from the abuser It can finally starting trying to catch up on all that processing and making sense of what happened. It can feel overwhelming but it's a good sign and will ease up as your brain works through things and files them away in the archives.

Which can be a disappointing shock if you were looking forward to feeling relieved and didn't know this was how It would feel at first. (I found the relief made a delayed arrival once I got through the early adjustment and initial processing!)

It will get easier. It is your brain starting the natural process of healing from the abuse. Once you get through the adjustment period things start to look and feel better.

Do you have any support in place to help you with recovering from his abuse?

Women's Aid, Freedom Programme, maybe local women's charities, self-referral to primary care counselling/CBT...

If you do seek support, it's important that you label to people that you have just left an abusive relationship. Simply because they need that information to understand they need to be assessing your for trauma and not treating you as if you have general anxiety.

It's not about blame or shame, it's just a very important piece of information that is really useful for you to share with professionals so that they can help you in the best way. All you have to use is the word "abuse", you don't need to give details or examples.

(Anxiety is a symptom of trauma.)

Keep talking here if it helps, lots of us have been through it. It does get better. Ideally you would have no contact with him

onthedunes - her ex husband isn't the narcissist. Her ex partner is.

@user17425642134531
Hi thanks so much.
I feel so disappointed in myself was so low yesterday I was considering giving the puppy up. How awful is that.
I was hoping for relief but I am consumed with good memories which were a long time ago and thoughts of what I hoped the relationship could be.
I have contacted a counselling service via employment and womens aid.
I am feeling so bad just now, gut wrenching feeling and I feel like small things are spiralling out of control.
Itt just not me :( x

@Smellbellina
Thanks, I will do.
No one knew we were back together so no one knows I am going through a split and I find that difficult. X