Bossy sometimes interfering colleague

[bossycolleague]

She is often lovely and is a kind and generous person, but she can also be blunt, abrasive, bossy and interfering. Telling you how to do bits of your job, which of your email addresses you should be emailing from, the way things “are done”, answering questions instead of or with you when someone comes to ask you (not her) something.

This is not an always occurrence, but enough of the time that it has started to piss me off. We all have a day off today and I have spent a lot of it thinking about this.

How can I let her know that this is not on without saying as much or being rude as I work quite closely with her and we need to get on okay?

I've got one of those. It's not worth it to start a fight, as these people can get nasty when you cross them. Just keep your head down, collect your paycheck and have your own agenda

What a pain in the neck.

If you're not prepared to say anything then I don't know what you can do, really.

I am relatively new so at first it was ok (though also annoyed me a bit then) - now that I have found my feet more it grates quite a lot. Along with one or two slightly snide comments.

Head down and my own agenda sounds good - I need body language or a way of being that precludes her from being a bit of a bulldozer at times in the way she behaves / communicates.

I had someone like this and I created "wall of folders" like a mini barrier between our computers on the shared desk. It just gave me a bit of breathing space and made us feel more separate.

I think every team/office has one.
We have one who came back from maternity leave recently and at first I thought head down but was even warned by our line manager what she's like.

Well fast forward a few months and I've decided she's not kind and unaware she's manipulative and quite controlling.
She hounded me on teams until I disclosed why I'd been at hospital...I know in hindsight I wish I hadn't. My point is I was too polite and needed boundaries.

My boss is off sick so this colleague set up a teams chat posting what we need to do and when! Btw she's equal to all of the team, she's not a manager. She also started calling all times of day to ask what we are up to, when we need to do it.
She's really fecked me off!
So I left the team chat she set up because the stress was unbelievable... she then started to manage on our official team chat because I'd left her chat!!! She's hounding people.
She's interfereing in my work and causing problems so I responded please stop this, we can focus on our own work etc very professional
She fains ignorance and says sorry...this is a tactic so I so responded saying let's keep to our own work. And kept it light and breezy.

Everyone else is intimidated by her and no one likes her, I'm a bit of a see red person so can't let it go without telling her.

Nip it in the bud. Speaking from experience these people aren't nice they're bullies

Ha ha I like the idea of a wall of folders .

We already have a kind of screen between us but it’s low.

She is also and can be lovely but I get the feeling that we clash in some way. I want to get on with my job and do the things that she needs me to do well (our jobs are linked in some aspects) but other than that I don’t want her talking for me or sometimes telling me what’s what. It’s irritating.

There’s another colleague who sometimes puts his hand up to stop her telling him things and while he is known for being kind of rude at times, I kind of see where he is coming from now!!

I am not sure where this sudden annoyance with me comes from - yesterday she was generally a bit more blunt. I don’t know if it’s my own annoyance reflected back at me.

@Ardenon your colleague sounds really hard work I am sorry .

Mostly people where I work wouldn’t recognise my description of this colleague as she is generally lovely, but something is weird between us and I want to create a different dynamic.

Sorry to hijack your post god it felt good to get it off my chest!
My advice would be
*Write everything down because then you can talk to your line manager if it becomes tricky (which it probably will)

• Realise you won't be the only one who finds her infuriating
• I'd say shes probably testing the waters to see how far she can push you ....so put up boundaries and don't be afraid to say no or thank you but I can do this alone etc
• I don't buy for one minute that she's genuinely nice...sorry.
• Don't be too forgiving. She's not your friend

I was way too nice and polite to my colleague so she took a mile and because the other girls are a bit younger and nicer they let her behave like a monster.
She's met her match with me.
But I am always polite but firm
When Ive lost it I keep it in and then inform my line manager so there is a record.

Goodluck!!!

Ps trust your gut! Just because others may apparently like her you don't need to
You need to be professional but she's not your friend

Also my colleague is super religious so she's.probably praying for me right now

I'd find myself sayingI think I'm ok, thanks every time she interfered.

Theres one like this at work. She is moody, attention seeking, absolutely needs to be the favourite and drives me round the bend! The thing is...shes great friends with our manager and knows she can get away with everything. Shes just a complete nightmare! She checks on peoples work, she makes sure shes always the first to be trained on something new so the rest of the team look bad, she bosses people around and acts like shes put manager. Were in a position where we cant really do anything about it because were scared to tell pur manager incase it's not taken seriously as they're friends. Shes also very friendly when she wants to be so people start questioning themselves and thinking that they're over reacting! I would reccomend just being firm and not standing for any shit from the beginning. You can still be kind and professional but just make sure that she wont be pulling this shirt with you!

@OhSoScared

Theres one like this at work. She is moody, attention seeking, absolutely needs to be the favourite and drives me round the bend! The thing is...shes great friends with our manager and knows she can get away with everything. Shes just a complete nightmare! She checks on peoples work, she makes sure shes always the first to be trained on something new so the rest of the team look bad, she bosses people around and acts like shes put manager. Were in a position where we cant really do anything about it because were scared to tell pur manager incase it's not taken seriously as they're friends. Shes also very friendly when she wants to be so people start questioning themselves and thinking that they're over reacting! I would reccomend just being firm and not standing for any shit from the beginning. You can still be kind and professional but just make sure that she wont be pulling this shirt with you!

This is also the case with my colleague. Always checking up and having to be teachers pet. Luckily my boss sees it and I feel comfortable complaining and I feel listened to. I just don't get bossy people and self appointing herself ,it's embarrassing.

My boss says we're completely opposite people. Not sure that's a compliment but I'm taking it

I’d employ the hand in the face technique-love it! Someone comes over to ask you something, she starts to answer for you, you put up your hand and say ‘Er, Brenda, Mike was asking me, not you.’ Turn your back on her, talk exclusively to Mike then just carry on with your work when finished.

Or after she has answered just say to the questioner, ‘wow I said all the without moving my lips!’ A joke but might make her think .