So angry - fallen off the no contact wagon big time

[mydinneristasty]

Two years ago I went no contact with my ex. At the time, I wished him well and then blocked. I did not say how hurt I was by his actions and it has bugged me off and on that I did not say anything at the time but I did just get on with life and was feeling okay with everything.

Fast forward to last month and in the process of changing my phone I unearthed over a year's worth of blocked messages from him. They were very friendly and he clearly had no idea how much he hurt me and was continually asking how i was and how much he missed me and whether we could meet up.

In my stupidity I eventually decided to email him and tell him that he had hurt me a lot and that I did not feel able to be friends with him. My biggest mistake is that I went into quite a bit of detail but what i wrote was adult and not ranting. It was an explanation for my silence rather than something accusatory.

His reply is quite something. Pages of it. He goes into minute detail about the when he met his now girlfriend (to prove there was not an overlap but I don't believe him), their life together, her past including all about her ex, how he helped her escape the ex who is 'crazy', how much his girlfriend suffered with the ex, how he still thinks I am special and that I am the most wonderful woman he has ever met. Then he goes on to tell me that he has a baby with his girlfriend, all about the pregnancy and birth and that it is so great being a dad and he even sends me a photo of him with said baby.

I sent a very curt email back saying thanks for the response, happy for you that life is working out and goodbye.

I feel as if I have gone right back to square one and am beyond furious with myself for responding to his catalogue of blocked messages. Hearing all about his life has made me feel sick. I also cannot believe his insensitivity but then I should have known he was like this because of the way he behaved when we split.

Do I just have to forgive myself and go back to no contact. Will I recover from this quicker than when we split up? So horribly mad at myself.

Forgive yourself, you went a year with no contact, and this guy kept messaging, you sending an email in his head may have felt like you wanted to be friends, or have a friendship or have you back in his life.

The fact he tells you how great or different his life is now, but I doubt at any point did the words I'm sorry for the hurt, which he may or may not understand.

Don't worry about it. Just block him again and forgive yourself for still being angry.

May be worth talking it through with someone though

I should also point out, that you may never totally get over it.

I still get pangs of guilt over the way things ended with an ex some 8 years later. I don't think nor am I reminded of it very often but the tinge of guilt remains.

I realise yours in anger at the way it ended. But still.

Read Natasha Adamo - article about ‘When you fall off your white horse.”

He doesn’t matter at all. Not one bit, after a few days you’ll care less. Thank goodness you’re rid of him and block him again.

He sounds like a massive twat.

Going on about how great things are for him... yet all of the time she was pregnant he was still trying to message you?

What a peach.

You're well rid.

Pour yourself a large glass of wine and forgive yourself. It doesn't matter, if you had the time again you wouldn't send it, but life doesn't work like that. He's obviously an insensitive knobhead and you're well rid.
Onwards and upwards op