We have had sex 5 times this year

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Been married nearly 2 years, together 7. Youngest is 4. Older two from previous relationship.

Dh just doesn’t want sex. We’ve had it 5 times this year. I feel so depressed about it. He won’t really talk about it. He just says he’s tired.

He’s not having an affair.

I’m so fed up.

I feel so unloved and unattractive.

Sorry to hear this OP. Do you get any time together, just the two of you? I know obv at the moment that's very difficult but in 'normal' circumstances?

We do. He works shift work and I’m a housewife so when the kids are at school and he’s on lates with have the house to ourselves.

It just doesn’t make sense. He has been abit stressed and depressed but it’s getting past a joke now.

I’ve been here before. The key is to communicate, and if he doesn’t want to talk about it, then there isn’t much you can do, however, you need to think about whether a sexless relationship is something you’d be okay with or not.. if not then you need to explain to him that he either sees the GP and or a sex therapist with you, or it’s game over!

It could be that he is depressed and stressed which is fair enough but if he won’t address it then it’s not fair on you! Serious discussions are needed I think, otherwise you’ll be feeling unwanted, unloved and down!

Porn habit ? Seems to be the cause of most men's lack of libido on here

It’s just so shitty. Our marriage is perfect in every other way. My children absolutely adore him. My oldest is such a daddies girl. I couldn’t leave it would absolutely crush them and he’s a brilliant father and my best friend. He works hard and a high earner so we have a good life. I would never get this life with anyone else but I’m so desperate for sex, the intimacy, the foreplay. I feel so unattractive and unwanted.

He does suffer with anxiety/stress. He just says he has a block and is ro tired. But the longer it’s going on the more awkward it feels. It feels awkward to make a move and most of the time he doesn’t make a move back! So I feel even more pushed away.

The thing is when he’s asleep he tries it on with me!! He’s like a completely different man, confident etc. As soon as I go to get ontop or make a move back he wakes up, realises what’s happening and rolls over! It never goes any further. He says he doesn’t remember it in the morning. When he’s trying it on he’s not hard or anything lol

No he doesn’t watch porn, well not that I know of.

Maybe an ED problem then. You'd think he'd be hard if he's aroused enough to try things on. Also think this sounds like desensitisation due to porn though so maybe do a bit of digging first.

It could very well be an ED problem. Which is why he tries it on (as he wants to) but he doesn’t get an erection. Most men are too embarrassed to tell their partners (understandably). Make the first move and ask him if there’s anything wrong. Tell him you’re feeling unloved and anything that may be wrong down there can be fixed...