Cheating partner

[Mum2beagain1]

Hi just found out my partner of 22 years and two children. has been having an affair. It only went on for a month but he lied to me I got all the information from the other women. Just trying to deal with this news when I find out I'm pregnant 5 weeks. I have previously had 2 miscarriages last year so this baby is all I wanted but not in the current situation. (Also he used no contraception with this other women). I'm a mess morning sickness broken heart. Cant even tell him to be honest I cant even look at him right now.....

Sorry to hear this, do you know what you want to do?
I haven't been in your situation but can only sympathise. I think if I was though, I'd be chucking him out and only concentrating on the children you already have, the pregnancy is very early, think if you really want to go through with it.

So sorry to hear this. I would get an apt for stds if possible and covid test. This is why rates, are going up if people are continuing affairs through lockdown. I'm so sorry to hear, what you have been through and you don't deserve this behaviour.

I am nearing 40 so this child is my last chance...
I get what you say but getting rid of it is really not an option for me.....
But can you really fix a relationship after an affair.... my heads a real mess....

He was having unprotected sex with someone else, he has been putting your health at risk. He didn’t care.

It’s not about you fixing anything. What’s he doing right now? Minimising it? Grovelling? Saying it never meant anything? Putting it on you? Blaming it on stress? As that’s usually how it goes.

Poor thing

You will be happier and safer with out

Can you carry on as planned and block him out of your life !?❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

So he could have also gotten her pregnant, as well as passed on potential STI's to you.

How did you find out about the affair? It sounds like he wasn't as desperate for this baby as you were by his actions.

The only advice I can honestly give is to leave him as that's what I did in your position. I wasn't pregnant but we did have 2 kids. I don' t think you will ever trust him again and that's no life to live.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've been in a similar situation recently (minus the pregnancy). What I found is that actually I didn't have to 'do' anything until I wanted to.

You are the one who gets to take their time to decide what you want to do. If there is something you want straight away - you're entitled to make that happen. There is no urgency, especially if you know you are going to continue with the pregnancy whatever happens with your relationship. You can boot him to the spare room/sofa/out if you want, whilst you come to terms with what has happened and decide your next steps.

You will need time to process this and it's heartbreaking.

@Mum2beagain1

You really need to process the shock, and this will take weeks.
You are c,ear you are keeping the pregnancy so one less decision.

No one can tell you how best to deal with things, but from helping some of my friends who have been through this, there has been a mix from kicking him straight out to thinking about it and then trying to make it work. I'm sorry to say, the ones who tried to make it work, were in the end unsuccessful as the trust was gone and couldn't be got back. One tried for 5 years but it ate her up every day

Take a breath OP and just focus on yourself and your pregnancy.
It’s the last chance as you said - and congratulations!!!! Whatever happens you have a chance for one more baby.
(I know what it feels like - I really wanted one last one at about the same age but it didn’t work for me)

You don’t need to decide anything about your H right now. But yes - people do get over affairs - many do. Most affairs don’t lead to divorces according to relationship councillors.
But if you make a choice to stay and save the marriage - he and you would need to work on the recovery and your new marriage.

A month long affair is probably the easiest to get over from. Unlikely there are any real feelings involved.
Also - unclear why she contacted you. Are you sure you can trust all she says? As she undoubtedly has hidden motives in telling you.

Thank you all for your thoughts, I really was at such a loss. I know i need to take a breath and work things out.
Life can just be so hard sometimes....

It's completely overwhelming though so be kind to yourself. I hope you're ok.