Potential date ghosting and then back in touch?

[Newname6]

Hi,

I’m single around 7 months now since my DH walked out very unexpectedly into the arms of his other woman.

I’ve been very tentatively dipping my toe into online dating which I haven’t found to be bringing me anything good as yet. However, an old workmate from around 10 years ago has got in touch and we have been texting a bit. From what I remember of him back then I wouldn’t have said I was particularly attracted to him but have enjoyed talking and flirting a bit with someone new. I guess I’ve kinda been seeing how it feels to chat to someone other than my husband.

Anyway we both said we would be interested in meeting for a walk. He said last Friday would work for him but he needed to get back to me to confirm time. That was fine. Didn’t hear from him at all. Luckily I wasn’t waiting about and made other plans when I realised he wasn’t for meeting.
He then text on Sunday asking how I was? I wrote back and said I was fine but I would have appreciated a text to say he wasn’t coming on Friday as it was pretty poor form. He was very apologetic and basically said he was still recovering from last break up(1.5 years ago) and wasn’t looking for anything serious and didn’t think it was fair on me to enter into something if he wasn’t fully ready.
I thanked him for being honest, said I wasn’t looking for anything serious either and wished him well. To me that would have been the end of it there. However he started backtracking and being quite keen, saying he would still like to see me and just wanted me to know where his head was at and asked which day this week would work for a walk. I said this weekend (today or tomorrow).

Have not heard a word from him since Monday (I text him last) and I feel that even if he tries to arrange anything today, which he probably won’t, I’m not interested.

Why do people do this? What’s the point?

I think he's breadcrumbing you. He's keeping in touch to keep you as an option. Or he's just really flakey and will mess you around. I would leave this as he's already given you the warning thats he's not after anything serious. IMO when they tell you this it means they intend to treat you poorly as 'Hey I was honest from the start!'

Thanks that’s exactly how I’m feeling. And the thing is I’m actually not particularly interested in him, I’m just enjoying talking to someone and wouldn’t mind seeing how a ‘date’ goes without it being with a total stranger. I am just a bit peeved that people feel they can treat you like that

Agree he has the get out of being honest from the start. Mine used this line....no accountability then is there.

Still doesn't make up for him being disrespectful and wasting your time. I think he's only keen as you've backed off.

Bin.

I feel like if he does text again I should call him out on it but maybe just ignore would be better

There is no point. Either he doesn't know what he wants or he just keeps changing his mind. Either way this is not what you need 7 months into rebuilding yourself emotionally after what your husband did. Just ignore.

I'd just ignore anything else from him. You can see now he's flaky. He'll probably make another lame attempt at some point. Ignoring will make the point well enough.

It was rude of him not to get back to you about Friday. When you told him that you weren't ready for anything serious either, that got him excited. That's the reason he came back into the conversation. He doesn't want anything serious with you. Which means he's looking for no strings hook ups. He will piss you about. Block him.

So basic isn’t it. Even from a friend this would be annoying. Don’t waste your thinking time.

People an only treat you like that if you let him. You're in a prime position here as you don't have feelings for him. So use that as an advantage to set your boundaries now, in case it happens further down the line with some you are interested in. Don't allow him to.muck you around. I think he was personally laying the ground work for to see whether you'd be open to a casual shag here and there. He's tried to reel you in, then let you down, then got back in touch early enough for the let down not to be a huge issue, telling you he doesn't want anything serious and left it open for you to agree neither do you. He's keep you there for as and when. I wouldn't message him, I certainly wouldn't date him. I would delete his number and when he next gets in touch (I'm guessing next week when people can meet in pubs or houses) I'd just read his message, wait a couple of hours then reply with a non committal, hi, yeah I'm fine, can't meet up though I'm bit busy over the next few weeks etc, take care.

"Men" like this need to be taught a lesson. The advice from the poster above is perfect. There's too many bad men out there now who feel entitled to treat women badly (sadly you come across this and much worse during online dating) and we need to stand up against it or it will never get better.