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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need to be strong and get out of this

2 replies

littlemissgrinchy · 27/11/2020 08:36

As the title suggests, 10 yrs married last 3 yrs has been wasted. I'm late 40's have two dc under 10 and I need to tell my H it's over.

He lied and cheated whilst working away back in 2017, the extent of his lies were immense and I stupidly tried to get past it. That was my biggest mistake and 3 years on I'm still waking up having had dreams about to lies and deceit.. I think it's PTSD and my mental Heath has suffered terribly.
I've never told anyone what he's done, from the outside you'd think we were a normal family unit. He's has financially controlled me since day one, I have no knowledge of bank accounts and every month end up having to ask for my money - I work PT and my invoices are billed via his company. I know he won't play fair, I don't even care anymore. I just need to find the strength to tell him to go or leave with the kids. He's never attacked me or been physical, I'm not in danger but the time has come to get this man out of my life. I need practical advice from you experienced ladies please and the strength to go through with this.

I should point out I'll be made to look like I'm irrational, not thinking straight and not thinking about the kids.. truth is I think of nothing else, my children are my world and I don't want them growing up thinking he is what they should aspire to be.

Be gentle it's taken me weeks to pluck up the strength to write this.

OP posts:
pog100 · 27/11/2020 08:45

I'm not finding with experience or advice but the way you have written this and the steely resolve it displays makes me think you are going to be fine in the long run. People with experience will be along soon but I didn't want you to go unanswered.
I think the obvious thing is to do as much snooping as you can to figure out the family finances. They are family finances, not his, in this situation and you and the children need your fair share.
Good luck, you are going to be fine.

Seatime · 27/11/2020 09:09

Have a look at the Women's Aid website. They have a section on financial and economic abuse. They have an option to chat with staff and a forum with other women.
Research your legal rights, even though he won't play fair.
You don't deserve to be abused. Please be kind to yourself, you tried to make it work, that is ok.

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