Should I end it?

[ella045x]

Hi everyone,
First of all- this is my first post so please bare with! :)

I’m in a 2 and a bit year relationship (I’m 25, hes 27) with one of the loveliest people I’ve ever known. He’s kind, gentle, genuine, honest, loyal...no problem, right?
In the last two years, I’ve been through the hardest of times, watching my mum be diagnosed with terminal cancer and subsequently pass away, and he’s been there for me through everything. Me and my boyfriend are from two different areas, and since before lockdown, we moved back home to my family to save some money.

In the last 4 or 5 weeks, I’ve just had a really strong gut feeling that I can’t shake. Yes, he is perfect on paper. But I don’t find him funny anymore, and I cringe when he tries to be funny. We don’t have sex, we haven’t had sex since March (partly moving home, partly I’ve had such low libido as I’ve struggled so much with my grief, but also partly because the thought of having sex , or even really kissing him makes me cringe...)

I don’t know if it’s because we’re forced to spend all this time together and can’t go out with lockdown, but I feel so mind numbingly bored in this relationship. Breaking up with him is terrifying because he’s helped me through so much, and I know how perfect he is, I’d never ever worry about him being unfaithful and that’s huge to me, but there is just something I can’t put my finger on. I want to be with someone who has me in stitches everyday, and my boyfriend and I just have such different senses of humour. I feel like we’re nothing more than roommates now, I don’t want to kiss him or be intimate. Ive lost a huge part of myself since losing my Mum and sometimes I feel like I just want to start next year and be able to focus on myself. Although realistically I can’t break up with him until the new year as he’s living with us and it makes Christmas too complicated. There’s just no spark, no excitement, no passion. I feel so young still, should I really be feeling like this at 25? I’m really struggling because I can’t talk to my mum about it now she’s gone, and I just don’t know who to turn to. I’m terrified of doing something I regret, and never finding someone who loves me like he does, but more and more I think about single life. Without having to compromise, being able to travel wherever I want, starting fresh after such a horrendous two years. Sorry everyone, I’m just feeling so muddled and lost xxx

He may very well be a wonderful person, but he is clearly not right for you. Your instincts are screaming this relationship isn't "the one." It's time to move on, op.

Why can’t you travel where you want ( COVID permitting of course) with him? Yes you can’t go out etc but could you not tell him the spark has gone a bit and see if you can do something to revive it first before you fully check out of the relationship.

It's 2 years, better to end it now rather than spending a lifetime unfulfilled, I'm not sure if you have children? If you don't then it makes it easier.

Nope we don’t have children, we’ve tried to do things just the two of us like days out and stuff but I always end the day feeling the same. I just feel like I want a reset

Assuming no children, then how about a break to give you the space you need to cope with your grief?

It's along time without sex at your age, surely he's thinking similar? Time for an honest chat with him.

You’re young - move on

It doesn't matter whether he is perfect or not if the relationship has run its course.

I feel like I could have written this 10 years ago. I was in a relationship with a ‘perfect guy’, he made me feel loved, never strayed, so dependable and just a good person. But I had the same gut feeling. Like a ‘there’s got to be more to life’ feeling. Without sounding condescending, sometimes he’s the guy you need to meet when you’re a bit older. I ended that relationship and moved to London, met someone when I was 33 and had the ‘so that’s what it’s meant to feel like’ moment and now we have our little boy. But I still think of my ex and know whoever has ended up with him is a very lucky woman. Sometimes someone is perfect, just not perfect for you. Good luck.

I’m so sorry for your loss op. Your partner may be a wonderful person but from my experience, when that certain something that you can’t quite put your finger on has gone, it’s gone. For me, someone finding my funny bone is as important as trust, kindness and honesty.
You are grieving and although this can cloud everything else as it is so overwhelming, it can also make you more in touch with your emotions.
Trust your gut feeling; I’m nearly 50 and have found those niggling gut feelings about people, whatever the relationship, wether good or bad, have always been right.

Oh lovely, I was with my husband for 25 years, a wonderful man who I'm still very fond of who is actually really really funny, but I have had a two year relationship since and even though we've had huge ups and downs in our lives we still absolutely adore each other and the physical connection is amazing, I think you need to end it as kindly as possible and look for a special connection that you're missing with this guy. It does exist and hopefully you'll find it in your next partner, life is too short to settle

Those good qualities you described pretty much describe a dog ...

The things You describe as missing are (going by quite a few of the threads on here) some of the most important attributes.

Your 25. For all intents and purposes living with your partner... And hating it. That won't change. It will get worse, it will fester and even if you try and push through it ... You will begin to resent him. Be kind, to yourself and him. Tell him your done and give him the chance to find somebody who finds him passionate and yourself to find the same.

As for being alone, your 25. You'll be fine you won't be alone. (I thought the same at 22 after a break up ... I was wrong and have been wrong since then to!)

On a side note, no matter how supportive he has been since you lost your mother, that is no reason to feel indebted to him. Partners support each other. Through the good and bad, it should be a given. And not used to put you over a barrel.

The ick I'm afraid. Time to break up so you can both be free to meet people who suit you better.