DH messaging woman on FB that he’s never met (again)

[thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear]

I’ve NC for this but I’m a regular poster on Mumsnet. DH has hundreds of “friends” on FB, and I’ve just found out that he messaged a woman that he’s never met. It was about 3 weeks ago and he sent her a message complimenting her recent profile photo, saying it was stunning etc and he just wanted to let her know. She thanked him for the compliment and that was that. She lives in a town about 150 miles away. I found this out as I just had a gut feeling and did some snooping.

He did the same thing 3 years ago, except it was a woman from the city he worked in at the time. She was a mutual friend of one of his childhood friends. The messages were similar, starting with compliments on her good looks, suggesting they meet for coffee etc. They didn’t meet but it went on for a few months. I confronted him about it, said it was a red line etc and he apologised. He’s still friends with her on FB though.

Our relationship isn’t great tbh, we haven’t had sex for a long time due to medical issues on his part, that are unlikely to improve. There is little physical intimacy either, though we get on well it is largely platonic. I’ve considered divorce but I’m a much higher earner and stand to lose a lot if we were to split.

I’m not really sure what I’m asking, but interested to see what others would do.

short marriage, no children together, no contribution, get out now, sooner the better, and enjoy the rest of your life

Well, if you stay with him then he will continue to do this, because he's done it twice now with no real consequences. So he has no incentive to stop.

@lyralalala

Please get good legal advice now. While you have a child and a short marriage.

The longer you are married the more of a share he'll potentially be entitled to.

This! This, this, this! Please get legal advice as soon as humanly possible OP, I have a feeling you may not lose anywhere near what you thought.

See a solicitor IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

This is classed as a short marriage.
You owned the property before - he didn't even bring equity in.
You've no children together
and - the killer - your child is still dependant - you have a dependant child to house... he has none. No needs apart from housing himself.
If you have a huge mortgage there isn't even any equity he can be said to have contributed to building up.

Please, please see a solicitor asap. This is in no way as bad as you're imagining - he would get a payout of some sort but there's no way it's going to be huge, and if you get a rottweiler onto it and proof of his lack of contribution (unreasonable behaviour, you could even cite that as well as his messaging other people) you could get rid of him quite cheaply.

Jesus christ what a thirsty tosser 😬

I don't think this behavior will ever stop in honesty OP, so the question to ask yourself is do you really want to keep dealing with his pathetic antics for the rest of your life?

I know what the answer would be for me.

3 year marriage is so short and you still have a child to provide!! I doubt he'd get much at all.

Better to divorce sooner rather than later, longer you start and older DC gets the more he'll be entitled to.

Thank you for all the advice, it has all been very helpful. I’m going to ring a solicitor at the start of the week to get some advice, I’m feeling a lot more positive now

That's a very short marriage and he's been trying to cheat throughout it. As for what he's contributed, a TV licence is £157 per year, ffs! What's broadband - it has to be less than £50 per month? Get yourself the best solicitor you can.

Brilliant OP. But don't wait for a second. Your child being fully a child - not even 16 - will go very much in your favour.

OP sounds awful and not like it’s a behaviour that will change. Could you take some legal advice on how you can start thinking ahead and protecting you money? I know anything you move won’t be outside a divorce settlement for a couple of years but if you move money now it would give you options for the future?

If you split in the future you have more to lose? If you're still the high earner? I'd run for the hills.

Get a good solicitor. My one got things sorted better than I could ever have imagined for my short marriage. Get recommendations and get your ducks in a row while he is unaware.

Don't stay if it's dead in the water. If it is then why not let him and yourself find love with other people. Be happy with your life.