Please help me formulate advice.

[Palatka]

A local guy in his early 30s was widowed about a month ago. My DD worked with this guy up until about a year ago in a part-time job. She didn't know his wife personally.

When DD shared a fundraiser for him and his kids on her FB he used the heart reaction to her post.

He messaged her within a few weeks of his wife dying asking how she was doing, what she was up to etc. She answered and offered her condolences.

He's been messaging her today asking where she lives, where she works now and if she lives alone. She's seen the messages but not actually read them (so they look unread to him).

He's just sent her a message saying "you still do sponge baths?" (she's in a care position).

She doesn't know whether to respond, and she should, how to respond. I have no idea what she should do for the best.

@Ffsffsffsffsffs

Gosh, a lot of pearl-clutching about a man moving on so quickly after his wife's death!

So he's recently widowed. You have no idea at all if theirs was a happy loving marriage or not. Nor told us if his ex had a long illness (so it was an 'expected' bereavement) or it was a sudden loss.

Before I finally got the pluck to begin divorce proceedings, I would have been hugely relieved if my (now) ex died, after many years of an awful, awful marriage and abuse. Maybe this man's marriage was like this? Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Secondly, if it was a long death, by which I mean his wife had been ill for months, even years, again he may be feeling relief she is not suffering any more. As is the case with elderly people I have cared for, often you do your grieving whilst they are still alive - for the person they were before the illness, and for the life you were hoping to live together and the future that is lost.

So I cannot judge based on what scant details you have given based on the above.

Plus, I have friends for whom, rightly ot wrongly, talking about sponge baths as a sort of chat-up line would be almost OK, it depends on what your daughter's friendship with him was like before.

So I'd say ask your daughter what she knows of his relationship beforehand, and of the wife's death. The sponge bath thing could be OK if that is the nature of their friendship. Does she want this to go anywhere?

Freaky as fuck otherwise, entirely up to her to decide if she wants this to go anywhere or not.

No one mentioned the speed he was moving did they?

I'd just like to point out in case you missed it or didn't think of it, that a man who used to be this DD's boss (position of power) has come out with the "sponge bath" comment to his ex employee. I would bet money on him having made her uncomfortable in the past and she has brushed it of as "jokes"

If the comment alone was not enough the prior relationship makes it pretty inappropriate too wouldn't you think?

It's not pearl clutchy at all to not let creepy men be sleezy with you.

Also if you think the sponge bath comment is the sort of chat up line material some of the people you know would come out with (I mean they would use this as an actual foray into a romantic relationship, really?), maybe they might also be a bit creepy under what passes for their sense of "humour".

It's not flattering or sweet or funny frankly. Not a great chat up line, but a good way to mark out the guys to avoid!

Yes Snori is right here, that’s the other aspect of all this . The fact he was once her boss .
The whole thing is off . Completely
He needs to be told that it’s not on .
If nothing else it might make him think twice about writing again

He was a colleague, not her boss. Still grotty though.

Oh sorry I didn't read that properly at all! But yes still grotty

She should go with a PP's suggestion - "That was a really inappropriate message and made me very uncomfortable. Please don't contact me again."

Then delete and block.

It will do your DD good to realise she can be assertive in her response and the sky doesn't fall in.

If it were me I'd also be having a chat with her about accepting friend requests and sharing random stuff like fundraisers for someone she hardly knows - but that's a pet hate of mine.

If she would block and delete him if he wasn't bereaved, she should still block and delete him.

He's being inappropriate and she's got a live-in partner, so just cut him off.

@HotSince63

I wouldn't say they hardly know each other. They used to work together . They have quite a lot of mutual friends too.

He hasn't messaged her today so we hope he's got the message from her lack of response. I think she will just leave it for now but I will encourage her to tell him he's making her uncomfortable and block him if he does it again.