Cheated on living together rebuilding trust

[chloe23x]

Long post here so bare with please

Been with boyfriend just over 2 years have a 5 month old together, he cheated on me when I was 16 weeks pregnant I was heartbroken n chose to try make it work
I’m trying to learn to trust him again but finding it so hard as it’s in my head constantly - making me a miserable and paranoid person and I’ve never been like this and I hate it
Trying my hardest to fight this as I do love him, I’ve talked to him several times about how hard I’m finding it and how I don’t like the way I am now completely ruined my confidence and I’m definitely not the same person I was this time last year
We due to move in our own house in the next week he viewed the house Tuesday I didn’t go with him he said it was nice got the keys the next day-I’ve been to look at it today and everywhere needs painting and glossing, there’s mould in one of the rooms which I don’t think is good for a 5 month old baby to live up he’s saying he’ll sort it - I’ll be waiting weeks, all in all the house is dropping to bits he wants to be out next weekend but I’d rather spend the next few weeks decorating and getting in a livable condition before I live anywhere with a baby - currently living with my mam both 22 and I’m just so confused wether I’m making the right decision I know it’s probably too little to late as we’ve got the keys now where not in a good place as it is but he thinks getting a house together will fix our problems and I just need to try but I don’t feel like I’m fully into it he’s saying try for a few month and if I’m still feeling the same way to call it a day but if I’m not happy now I don’t see how a house is going to make things better
Just really want advice from people who have been cheated on and continued to stay in the relationship how to build the trust back up again and not be constantly paranoid - I think I know the answer as I know I’m not happy now but sort of feel trapped, probably haven’t worded this properly but my heads well and truly done with it all

Sorry OP. It doesn't get any better. You know what you have to do.

A decent partner does not cheat on his pregnant partner, end of. If you stay with him you face a life of misery

End it now, and move on with your life, perhaps look into some counselling to help you unpick why you're willing to allow yourself to be treated so poorly.

It won't get better. Save your future self a lot heartache and move on before you've invested any more of yourself.

I always say "what would you tell your friend in the same predicament"?

Stay at your mums my lovely 🌺

Know your worth.

People have sex with other people outside their monogamous relationships for the following reason -

a) They don't respect their partner
b) They feel deeply unfulfilled with the relationship and just can't, or don't know how to go about expressing it because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings or have a massive argument about it, so they have affairs or sleep around.
c) They have big insecurity issues and need affirmation that they still 'have it'
d) They're seeking revenge in their partner
e) They need thrills and do forbidden things to feel alive
f) They were off their face on drugs
g) They want to feel like they're young and single again, sometimes desperately so
h) They secretly want their partner to split up with them because they can't bring themselves to do it, so they start casually doing things they know that can cause that and hope their partner finds out somehow.

Which one of those do you think applied to him?

You are 22 years old - so young and deserve so much better . I sense that you know this and are just looking for reinforcement . Don't do it .

22?

stay at your mums, dump him - if he respected you he would have never cheated.

He will do it again

Bless you. You're still young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Dont waste it with somebody who treats you so poorly.

You said yourself you're feeling that you just want to call it a day. Go with what you want. Make yourself happy! You owe him nothing.

You also said you have changed as a person because of his disgusting actions. Dont let him grind you down for years to come.
Having sex with somebody else whilst you were pregnant, well, that would be a deal breaker for me. It's the ultimate betrayal.

@EarthSight

People have sex with other people outside their monogamous relationships for the following reason -

a) They don't respect their partner
b) They feel deeply unfulfilled with the relationship and just can't, or don't know how to go about expressing it because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings or have a massive argument about it, so they have affairs or sleep around.
c) They have big insecurity issues and need affirmation that they still 'have it'
d) They're seeking revenge in their partner
e) They need thrills and do forbidden things to feel alive
f) They were off their face on drugs
g) They want to feel like they're young and single again, sometimes desperately so
h) They secretly want their partner to split up with them because they can't bring themselves to do it, so they start casually doing things they know that can cause that and hope their partner finds out somehow.

Which one of those do you think applied to him?

He went out with his mates one night told me he took a load of drugs and was off his face, so his story was he went back to a ' party ' after town and told me there was a girl there he used to sleep with nothing happened they just talked ' - he came home 5 o'clock in the morning I didn't believe him so I messaged the girl and thats when she told me he rang her asking to meet her at 4 in morning they went for a walk and had sex in the park - classy right, she apparently stopped halfway told him she couldn't carry on and felt awful cos she knew he had a pregnant girlfriend at home and she also had a boyfriend - still with him now and doubt he even knows what happened and then walked home and got into bed with me

I don't think you can really rely on someone like that. What's he doing taking heavy drugs?? That should be an automatic 'no' for most people. Anyone losing control of themselves like that could end up dead. Every now and again you hear of men falling into rivers & canals and it's because they were off their faces. I think you need more structure & stability than that.

I never got over my ex kissing another girl. I think it just depends what kind of person you are. There's other issues here too which is he doesn't seem to want family life or responsibilities. I think he still want to be out with his mates, drinking, taking drugs and sleeping around.

Please save yourself the heartache, dump him and stay at your mums. Focus on baby and what you want to do with your life. Dont get bogged down at 22 with someone whose happy to cheat on you and take drugs. Understand you dont love him, you love what you’d like him to be...

Stay at your mums sweetheart, my daughter is 22 and I would not let her leave to be with this man. Please listen to what we are saying. This will be a life of pure misery with him. Its hard, I know. Please walk away now and protect your little one at all costs. You will find a way with your life but you have to stay at your mums for now.

Honestly it's not worth trying to make it work with him.

My ex cheated on me while I was pregnant. I wish in retrospect I had ended the relationship there.

I know it's scary and painful thinking of ending it, but it's short term pain. Long-term, living with someone you can't trust (for good reason) is like a death of a thousand cuts.

Oh my, you are both so young. He is 22, takes drugs and cheated on you while pregnant. Not great is it?

Stay with your mum, your gut is screaming at you for a reason. Your baby is number one.

Stay at your mums while you can and don't get tied into a tenancy with him. This won't get better. You'll keep wondering and not gain that trust back. He lied, he actively perused the other girl and would have lived with his lie if you hadn't have found out. He didn't come home feeling awful and begging forgiveness did he. Focus on yourself and your little one, you'll be okay.

Stay with your mum. At least you have support and help there.

Moving in together will just make things worse.
He's be expecting you to do all the housework, childcare, cooking while he gets high.

Leave

He parties and takes drugs
He looks for casual sex when you were pregnant putting you and baby at risk

You can and will do better

Please listen to me I was you 9 years ago , I’m now 31 with 3 kids to someone exactly what you describe and everytime he promised to change he never did , he got worse , the drugs escalated and at 30 he was contacting prostittues if I could go back and speak to the 22 year old me id run , do not move in with this boy , especially with a young baby , if you already feel trapped you’ll feel so much worse when you live with Him , any man that cheats on a pregnant partner is scum !! He won’t change trust me , stay with your mum xx