Is it important to be educated to similar levels?

[HelloMellowYellow]

Do you think it matters if you have a masters or higher and the person you are dating hasn't even got O levels?

Would a relationship like that last once the sex and passion died down?

No, I think similar levels of intelligence is important, buts exams and degrees are not always the best measure of that. I've been with DH for almost 15 years - since A-levels, which he scraped a pass in and I have a post-grad degree - he earns more than me.

To me it's a certain level of intelligence, rather than the qualifications as such. Having said that DH and I both have degrees. We also come from similar backgrounds - he often says that this is important to him but it's not so much to me.

We don't necessarily have intellectual discussions all the time - sometimes maybe, but I don't consider myself an "intellectual". We do talk a lot about all sorts though. I couldn't be with someone I couldn't talk to, except about the mundane everyday things.

I had two LTRs prior to getting married where the guys were educated to a lower level than me. Also came from, for want of a better term, working class families. None of it bothered me but one boyfriend was mesmerised (in a good way, he loved them) by my middle class family and put himself down for his lack of education ( even though he had professional job).

The other had a complex about not having a degree though he had plans to rectify that. Both relationships broke up for other reasons though.

I don't think education matters much, but similar values, life goals, ambitions, lifestyles do...and these probably do have a lot to do with having similar ish education levels. I have a PhD. Dh has a BSc, so obviously university educated, but definitely not to the level I am. He's not an academic person at all. He is self employed, works in what would generally considered to be a trade, while I have a very intellectual, prestigious academic career (fwiw, dh still earns more than me!). But we are very similar in terms of values, ambitions, interests, lifestyle, what we want in family life, financial plans, and we have a lot of fun together. It's got to be more than just sex and fun for it to last, but education doesn't have a whole lot to do with it.

What's the issue here? I.Q or education and certificates? The two don't necessarily go hand in hand and people who think that are very conservative, in the box type thinkers. They're the type of person who want to know that you have a good degree, that you have been approved by a higher body, that you have read this classic book or that important piece of literature that they can use to impress people in an often cringe inducing way........but that's not the same as being intelligent or being intellectual. That's just following a formula.

Entrepreneur, creative types who start their own companies tend not to seek a stamp of approval on what they're doing. They just do it and usually follow their own rules. They lead, they create new things and charge forward, sometimes with little mentorship of guidance. It's not the education that counts, it's the way you think.

However, if you feel there's a problem there now, it's only going to get worse as you delve deeper in conversation.

conversation is so shallow and reasoning very weak.

He's also dismissive of higher education because he's become a successful businessman despite it.

Oh Christ. Next thing he’ll be asking you not to use big words and starting arguments with your educated friends (“I went to the university of life”). Or he’ll try to trip you up to ‘prove’ that you’re not that clever. Move on.

Remember the words of Judge Judy: beauty fades but dumb is forever!

I don't think it's education so much as intelligence, shared values and outlook on life. I'm degree educated, my late husband completed high school in the US and then joined the military. He was intelligent as anything, we were well matched in that regard.

It was the outlook that killed our relationship - he wasn't capable of finding contentment in anything, he lacked self esteem and he used his lack of self esteem to tear down my intelligence and opinions - everything I said was ivory tower stuff to him and inferior to his 'school of life' insights. It started when DD2 was born, in a small way I could cope with. By the time we split, it was pretty much constant.

It wasn't the only thing or even the main thing that destroyed our relationship, but it was a big one.

My DP is highly educated, I’m not. We get on great!

We have some friends, who we know through someone else. Lovely people, but the husband cannot follow a simple logical argument. His reasoning skills are rubbish, and he will constantly come up with thngs he has seen on the internet as gospel truth. I sometimes respond with why that cannot be true, and sometimes he is surprised and will accept that it is nonsense, but often he won't, and often I don't challenge as it would be rude to do it all the time. For example, he took all the 5G masts spreading Covid as true.

I could not be with someone like that. It is partly education, and partly intelligence.
Who ever you are with, you need to be able to have a robust discussion about things which matter to you, as equals.

I wouldn't say you need similar qualifications, but I think a similar level of intellect is important.

You don't need qualifications to be intelligent and sensible, ad some peoplewho are highly academic lack common sense, which is far more important to me.

I wouldn't want to have to adjust my vocabulary to enable my OH to understand what I'm saying.

Another thing that was important to me, as I'm close with my family, was having someone who would fit it, intelligence wise, as I wouldn't want them to have an inferiority complex and feel uncomfortable. I've seen this become an issue in other people's relationships.

Yeses, that or similar levels of intellectual curiosity

Educated to similar levels - no.

Have similar intelligence - yes

I have a Ph.D - My Husband didn't even bother to get his A level results...... we both work in IT and we are both on exactly the same salary.....

I'm more educated and academic - But I'd say he was probably more intelligent than me in a lot of areas as I have no desire to 'learn' unless the subject interests me, whereas he's like a knowledge sponge.....

If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't watch 'I'm a Celebrity', nor know the names of the people in Love Island beams with pride or watch weird documentaries on Channel 5

I don’t know about ‘similar intelligence’. How could you possibly know unless you both undertake a Mensa test? I would say a similar sense of humour, outlook on life and respect for each other’s opinions are more likely to be a better basis for a successful relationship.

I’m going to assume my partner is a lot more intelligent than me considering he has a high paying job and I currently clean for pocket money. Yet weirdly we adore each other and he thinks my opinion has value.

I have a PhD and a couple of Masters degrees, my ex-husband is very bright but only to degree level and always rather resented my Dr.,putting me down as having no common sense (of which I have plenty). It made him insecure. My current partner left school with no qualifications, has a Master's now and is far and away my intellectual equal.
Does it matter? It can.

@HelloMellowYellow

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head. It's the 'could they get a degree had they had the opportunity or inclination to do so?' test. Guy is really good in bed, really keen... perhaps, too keen.. but conversation is so shallow and reasoning very weak. His lack of education shows and I feel so snobby saying this. I'd have him as a FWB but he wants more and I feel bad about this because we can't have a good conversation which puts me off a future with him. He's also dismissive of higher education because he's become a successful businessman despite it.

From the majority of your replies I guess the message is yes but if you have other important things in common and a few of you think nah
Thank you.

It depends on the individual, of course, but sometimes what's between your ears is just as important as what's between your legs. A lot of men may disagree with that but then a lot of men keep their brains in their dick. Ultimiately, If he's not interested in FWB then find somebody who's just as interested in opening a book as opening your legs.

My old neighbour was a Maths professor, he was so clever and obsessed with maths he could barely function. He once pulled out a packet of Cadbury biscuits and started going on about how delicious they were. He admitted he'd forgotten chocolate biscuits existed and he was genuinely taken aback that he'd been missing out on them for years.

I couldn't live with someone like that!

As I get older, it has become more important. I am finding that the intelligence gap is showing a little now and it does irritate me at times.

I'd say it doesn't matter, as long as you can have a conversation with them that gets you excited. Nothing worse than a boring partner! I've got a degree, but wouldn't say I'm a superbrain, but I am into slightly nerdy things. Of the two people I've been most attracted to in my life (and them towards me) one is a physics professor, and the other is a council gardener with no qualifications.

Depends partly on age as well. Forty years ago, most people didn't go to university at all anyway. I'd say similar levels of intellectual curiosity is more important.

There is a difference between intelligence and qualifications. Some of the most intelligent people are drop outs, some less than average people get pushed through Oxbridge with money

It matters to women much more than men, in my experience. I know far more men married to less educated women than vice versa.

Qualifications have nothing to do with attraction. An interesting, intelligent mind can be present in someone with zero education. And some are highly educated, yet dull.