Online dating, been ghosted, feel humiliated

[Ppffw]

Please go easy on me.
Ok, I've done online dating years ago, I thought I wasn't naïve to to all the downfalls. Ok rewind a few years later, I was on a few dating sites and chatting to a few men. I started chatting to this one particular man and to my complete surprise I was hooked and the feeling felt mutual. Our chatting went so well, the first night we spent the whole night chatting which is unheard of for me and he said the same thing. Fast forward two weeks and we have spent many many hours chatting and speaking on the phone. I'm embarrassed to say that he said he had never experienced anything like we had. We shared intimate details of my life and also just the mundane day to day things. I put this down to we had a real connection and I justified these feelings to the boxset 'Love is Blind' where two people can connect on a deeper level. I feel incredibly stupid for believing in this person and the fact he was a police officer, it instilled a further layer of trust and I felt this man from knowing this and our chats had a level of integrity. I mistakenly invested so much time.

So it had been planned that we would meet on a certain day with a weeks notice as we both had work commitments. Today I was all set for meeting him and then I was so disappointed that he sent a text message this morning saying that he couldn't meet he message read "I'm really sorry but I'm not going to see you today. I thought a lot yesterday and I'm going to stop with online dating. Apps have gone and I'm going to take time off messaging. Really sorry."
He had then blocked me off WhatsApp and blocked my phone number. I felt this was so cowardly, why not just message or call me and tell me why he didn't want to meet.
Please please go easy on me, I am so disappointed in myself that I can feel so low today and gutted.

His wife/partner caught him out.

He definitely sounds like hes in a relationship and was chatting to you for an ego boost. A single man would meet up to get his leg over. I agree he love bombed you. Remember you never know anyone until you meet in real life.

Relationships that exist only over the phone or messaging are not real. You were enjoying a fantasy and when it came to it the reality was not there.
Ghosting isn't this by the way.

Wtf does ghosting even mean? Because it doesn’t sound like what has happened here.

I think he did a “nice” thing (or as nice as he could be under the circumstances) as he was upfront and explained that this wasn’t going to go anywhere and he told you before you both met so there was no chance for feelings to develop. I mean, you may have caught feelings already but as others have explained, you’re into the fantasy of him rather than the reality as you haven’t even met.

It does read like there’s someone else in his life, which is fair enough really as he let you know at an early enough stage. Everyone has a past, maybe he’s in love with someone else or has feelings for someone he already knows in person.

This is 100% about him, and nothing to do with you or anything you may have “done wrong” though.

This happened to me, but it was 3 months before he met me by which time I felt so close to him.

I thought we had such a great connection, to him, I believe I was just something to pass time.

And police certainly don't have more integrity OP! This guy was probably in a relationship and bored.

Sounds like you over invested. Easily done and a lesson learned. Every day's a school day. Chalk it up as experience that will better equip you for the next real relationship.

What @Manxiety says: lessons learned are (a) don’t spend ages texting/chatting with a stranger - one week to meet was my rule - and (b) don’t believe for a second that people in certain professions like police, nursing, doctors, accountants have any more integrity than anyone else. Some would say that the status these professions convey attracts people with less integrity, so they can hide in plain sight. Always focus on the individual in person.

He didn’t ghost you.

I know it's hard OP but you've put yourself back out there and been open with someone which took courage so thats really positive.

The guy didn't ghost, we don't know what his reasons are- married, mental health flare up, dating fatigue, maybe he told a few porkies to impress you and was embarrassed to meet- but at least he had the decency to tell you he would be disengaging so try not to take this too hard or too personally.

Unfortunately ghosting/ being let down is pretty much part of OLD and you just need to galvanise yourself by not getting invested early on. I learnt this the hard way too with some tall, dark, handsome tosser who disappeared into thin air.

I know it's harder in lockdown but keep chat light and friendly and read nothing into it until you have met someone in person. Meet quite quickly if you can.

Its actually surprisingly easy to keep your guard up when you're telling yourself not to get emotionally sucked in.