Birthday Gift - Confused

[TerryHearn]

Bought my dear girlfriend a very expensive 30th Birthday gift (IPhone 12). AIBU to be upset that she wants to keep it in the box until April 2021 before using it? She thinks she can get more use out of her very old iPhone until then. Until then the phone will sit in a cupboard collecting dust.

@TerryHearn

You may be right. The surprise cake and lounge decorated with balloons and banners was probably not right too. I must try harder!

I'm guessing this is a passive aggressive reply. You sound like you are all about stuff and she's ungrateful cos you want her to be impressed with you for spending lots.

No passive aggressiveness just genuine confusion. Not really convinced I can book holidays at the moment. Not sure we could guarantee to be able to go during COVID. I did take her to Disneyland Paris for a previous holiday but couldn’t do that now.

She’d never been and loves Disney.

You don't sound lovely at all. It seems like you gave her things with absolutely no thought as to whether she would like them.

Or perhaps she does like them but you feel she is not acting grateful enough in which case you're acting like a dick.

Why is it genuine confusion that she's not keen on a brand new phone?

Get a Samsung, they're much better

It sounds like she just isn't fussed by tech gifts. I have kept old phones longer than I needed to because the effort of setting up a new one seemed like a chore. She might be the same. Just have an honest chat with her and find out what the problem is.
She hates it/wanted an Android etc- return it
She's worried about setting it up - do it for her.

My ex would always buy a tech gift I didnt want - tablets, Alexa etc. I pretended I liked them but really would have preferred a bag.

I’m confused with the significance of April?

I would return it as it’s expensive and doesn’t sound particularly wanted.

I feel for you making a 30th special in lockdown in hard

Has she ever told you what she'd like? It's hard when people don't give any hints but then are funny when you don't get the right gift. You don't sound thoughtless at all, just a bit puzzled. Sometimes though, it isn't the big price tag presents that are the most loved. My DH bought me a personalised mug a few years ago which had different photographs of me with all my family and friends. In the box he'd put a message which said 'You are loved.' I am not the least bit sentimental but it was one of my favourite presents - and he buys good presents!

Thanks Rainbow. I think you get it. A 30th during lockdown is not an easy one. I did my best, it didn’t work out. Cest la vie!

Did you ask her what she might like? Not being arsey - genuine question. DH & I make wish lists of things we'd like to receive and choose each others' gifts from that.

An iPhone really isn’t that hard to set up if you already have one. Just place the two phones next to each other and it will transfer everything across within about half an hour, passwords, bookmarks, links, folders, everything. The only thing that takes time is if she has a banking app on it, and if her previous phone was an 8 or below she would need to set up Face ID.

I would say to her that you realise that she probably doesn’t want it so you’ll return it and then she should maybe give you an idea as to what she wants or maybe you could go shopping together.

FWIW there’s nothing wrong with giving an iPhone as a present if that’s what the person wants. My partner has bought me an Apple Watch for Christmas although he let me have it early as we weren’t sure we would be seeing each other over Christmas. And in previous years my mum has bought me, among other things, a waffle maker, a pasta machine and a set of saucepans. I would be completely underwhelmed by a mulberry handbag, in fact I think they’re pretentious and over priced, but it’s all subjective.

I think the person further up the thread may be right though. Perhaps she was hoping you'd propose and was disappointed. 30 is a significant year for women, I know quite a few who had the age of thirty set in the head as the date they wanted to be engaged by.

It may be that its just not what she considers a present. I consider a phone a no fun boring purchase along with washing machines and irons that I buy myself when needed even if I moa n. My partner thinks tech is a perfect gift especially when he notices a gift. For now just a cent you gave her a gift its hers now. Next year try something different or maybe try something smaller if she's not matching your gifts

It was a 30th so it was a big gift. I don’t expect her to match it.

I'm confused why after 3 years you don't know what she wants for her birthday. What did she get you?

@TerryHearn

It was a 30th so it was a big gift. I don’t expect her to match it.

A big gift should be something the other person REALLY wants. Not just something with a big price tag.

Difficult to know what people want these days. Particularly when no clues are given and nothing is actually being asked for. Nevermind.

Oh, now I see! You just wanted everyone to pile on and say what a brilliant gift giver you are and that your partner is ungrateful.
Hence the huffy pass-agg replies.

Nevermind.

You sound like a very odd character @TerryHearn

I'd have opened your gift and mouthed wtf? silently.

I couldn't think of much I'd be less interested in than a new phone, however fancy the price tag. I've got a phone. It works. Why do I want another one?

Why didn't you ask her what she would love for her 30th? It's not hard. I'd have preferred a book token to be honest.

@Notcoolmum

After 11 years my OH still has no idea what to get me, gets it ‘wrong’ and occasionally buys me a major disaster gift. We are very happy together.

Personally; I would be very happy with a new iPhone.

Difficult to know what people want these days. Particularly when no clues are given and nothing is actually being asked for. Nevermind.

How about you ask her what she wants? Like - hey it's your birthday soon. Is there anything you'd really like? Not exactly difficult is it?

She told me she wanted a surprise. I did ask.
Book tokens. Will try that next year.

Thanks everyone. Even the WUMs.

Hi OP,

Sorry your gift didn’t go down as well as planned. I’m wondering whether its because it was her 30th she wanted something more of sentimental value...phones come and go, maybe she was hoping for something she could keep forever. That’s how I would feel about it sorry. Just being honest to try and explain why it might not have gone down so well - on any other bday it’s a lovely gift but for a very important bday I think it has to be something really sentimental.