Am i being a bitch

[Shylaexo]

Husaband and have been separated a week. We have spoken each day for 10 mins about the kids. today he called to ask how he wants to come home and make things work. The thing is we broke up over him putting no effort and hardly spends any time with us and he still didn't during this time other then the bedtime text about how he loves us.

Hes just opened his own new business and is saying well i dont have time in the day to be showing effort or anything, saying he will put effort but not yet as hes so busy with work. Telling me to patient and that this is just going in circles

Tonight after the call he kept saying im tried i want to go sleep and goes let me know what you want to do tommorrow if you want to make it work or not.

Why does he make it seem like this is me doing it to get a buzz out. Would a man really choose his work or his relationship. I understand he needs to pay bills put our marriage is at its ends and he still doesnt seem to understand and prioritise it.

What the hell do i doo.!! We been married 4 years 2 kids and he has put effort here n there but hardly seen effort in about a year, no love, no affection, no dates nothing due to his work. As his hardly home i asked to see his phone and he refused cause we was tired so i told him to leave the next day. I just had a newborn about 6 months ago and im fine other then the relationship just getting to much

Am i being a bitch by asking to much and his also stressed?
Help

He has already left. He was shit when he was there. Tell him no he cannot come back as he isnt doing anything different. Tell him when he needs to picks the children up and when he drips them back home again.

Do you work? I mean normally. I assume youre on mat leave now? BecaUse a selfish man who is self employed is going to be a problem.

Would you rather have a roof over your head? Bills need paying, and if he knows the marriage is dead, what else would you expect him to do.

Tell him to come back when the rest of his life is sorted and you'll be happy to introduce him to his grandchildren...

Take back control.

Tonight after the call he kept saying im tried i want to go sleep and goes let me know what you want to do tommorrow if you want to make it work or not.

Tomorrow tell him that you need more think to think about this and what you really want. DO NOT give him any idea about what you're thinking. He needs to realise that this is a serious matter...not some half arsed thing where he can say "i'll put in effort when I have time jeez!!"

Right now he probably thinks he holds all the cards so you need to give him a sharp shock by telling him you are doing some thinking of your own...and do not keep him in the loop about what you are thinking.

I'd be telling him I haven't seen you making any effort whatsoever yet. A ten minute phone call a day with you asking about the kids is not going to cut it. How about you get back to me in the future when you feel like putting effort into your marriage and I'll crack on with raising our children and arranging the divorce?

Say No. He probably just needs his clothes washed.

What’s the situation with the business and finances? TBH I can understand if you don’t work and he’s struggling to keep the bills paid/get the business profitable (for e.g.) then being a great husband in terms of time and love might temporarily take a back seat. If the business is not steady yet and the family needs the income, then it’s a false dichotomy to make it work vs family—his work allows the family to eat.

However totally different situation if he’s just using work to opt out of being a part of the family, and if you have good savings, a steady income and no need for mental hours.

Could you tell him you need a couple of months to think about this? (End of Feb?)

Give yourself thinking time and make him see you are serious?

I expect you won't want to take him back then, but setting a date stops him continually asking you to change your mind.