How well do you and partner communicate?

[M987]

So recently I have realised that I am dreading telling my partner things. I used to ring him during the day to let him know how our day was going but sometimes now if there is something I think he should know I have to really push myself to call him. I think he can be judgemental or make snide comments about my parenting. Some examples of things I wouldn't tell him and how small they are. I wouldn't mention to him that we had McDonalds for our lunch, I wouldn't tell him that my sister who I am bubbling with came to the house or once when the baby (9 months) fell off the sofa I didn't tell him.

This is weird for us and not a nice feeling for me so I tried to tell him what was going on last night and he now seems to not be speaking to me.

I'm really not sure if this is normal and everyone feels like this with their partner or it's on me. He wouldn't scream or get angry but would probably sulk or we would have a small row about it that's why I don't tell him

Not normal and not healthy either. You're an adult...of course as co parents we should work together to make choices which benefit our children but when someone slips, they should know that their partner won't judge them....is he perfect? Doubt it!

I found communicating with my ex very difficult. Like your partner, he would just withdraw and sulk, or refuse to acknowledge that I had any right to be upset about whatever I was upset about. he would trivialise it, or tell me I was being stupid. this would had the effect of making me very passive aggressive (because direct communication was so badly received), or simply to bottle it all up and have a complete meltdown every six months or so. I'm quite an open book - i find it difficult to mask my feelings, and eventually the inability of us to communicate with each other - and in particular his refusal to admit there was a problem and go to counselling so we could learn to do it better - was what broke us up.

Since we split, i've had to completely relearn my communication. I have some natural ability, but being able to ask for what I want, or to clearly communicate when I'm upset is still a work in progress. Knowing that I'll be taken seriously is something that is taking some time, but I keep learning that it's ok to say when I'm upset - instead of just 'pretending' i'm fine, but being a bit withdrawn and cold. I still worry that I'm overreacting, so try and just squash it and pretend it's fine. But current partner doesn't put up with that, and is very good at pushing gently to get me to tell them when I'm upset. We're also good about talking about problems, without judgment, and working through things that aren't working.

It's been a total revelation, and I never want to get into a relationship where the communication was so awful again.

How was your relationship with him before you became pregnant? Was he all sweetness and light towards you before the baby came along?. How has he behaved around other people?. I ask these questions because pregnancy and or birth can become flashpoints for abusive men to really reveal their true colours.

Its not you, its him. He is abusive towards you and the silent treatment/sulking behaviours are examples of emotional abuse. The responsibility for his sulk is all his, do not do anything to try and bring him out of it. Ignore him and go about your day. I would also consider contacting Womens Aid as well, such men do not change.

What do you want to teach your child about relationships here?.

Where is your own support network here; what do your family think of him?.

Abuse as well is NOT about communication or a perceived lack of; its about power and control.

Being uncomfortable to tell him things because of his reaction is really not ok. Sulking is also deeply unattractive