Men going hot then cold.

[Ilovegreentomatoes]

This is so annoying so wanted some advice.
Got chatting to a guy on match swapped numbers and had a phone convo and was a bit put off so didnt respond to about 3 of his messages.Anyway had a change of heart so lied that I had stuff going on and sorry for ignoring his texts. Anyway since then hes made no real effort to contact me but does respond if I text.
I'm not one to chase so after initiating contact sunday I've left it to see if he gets in touch...which he hasn't. Just feel he was keen and now this.Im not texting again as I feel if someone likes you they make the effort but am disappointed everytime I get a WhatsApp message and it's not him.
Should I just leave it now as I suspect hes probably chatting to someone else.

And I realise I was at fault for ignoring the messages he sent but I did apologise and say why.

What was you put off by? Listen to your gut feelings it's probably for good reason.
He might come back to you, they normally do but with hot/cold behaviour is is worth the hassle, better to wait for someone that's interested in talking to you.

@seensome yes your right although hes the first guy I've fancied on OLD for a long time.

I wouldn’t bother to reply either, hot and cold, you’ll never know where you stand.

Presumably he thinks you arent that into him because you sorta vanished then came back. Arrange to meet him for a date and see how you feel face to face maybe? That being said, you were 'put off' on the call...so why did you change your mind? Maybe youd be better off leaving it. Sounds like you had a gut instinct he wasnt for you.

He just sounded a bit how can I put it think accent with an ali g twang! Although my friend says that in the area he is from everyone speaks like that!

I'd be exactly the same in his position if I'm honest.
As PP said arrange a date. If he's interested he'll be available if not I think you need to let this one go.

Tbf to him, it would of seemed that you were hot and cold. Too busy to text a reply never washes. There's a reason you went off him, though you could of asked him more about what put you off, maybe a snap decision backfired on this on, can't blame him.

So you ghosted him then changed your mind and came back? That's why then.

You've both blown hot and cold, just at different times! Incompatible, time to move on.

If I was him I wouldn’t really be responding either

You weren't interested and ghosted him, then gave a rubbish excuse, now ask why he isn't interested?

It’s all so frustrating isn’t it? I almost wish I was on the dating circuit so I could practice giving less of a hoot this time.

I guess as you ignored him he’s following his gut.

Maybe he doesn't like your accent either.

I don’t think he is blowing hot and cold I think you are. Either way it doesn’t seem like either of you are that bothered so why not leave it

No. You went cold on him.

He's just responding to that as most people would - a polite response to your messages but no desire to initiate them himself.

Why on earth would you expect him to still be interested?

I have found that if I'm not feeling it during messages or a phone call there's usually a reason. Listen to your gut here.

Secondly, a lot of fellas do this online, they don't mind replying if you chase them, but they're not bothered either way. After a year if this my advice would be, leave it. The men who like you will be messaging you and keeping things going.

It sounds like you're just not the deal for each other, its really common, move on.

@Ilovegreentomatoes

And I realise I was at fault for ignoring the messages he sent but I did apologise and say why.

No, you lied, it’s quite transparent, and he’s seen through it.

Why do you expect him to do the chasing now, after you ignored three of his messages and then came up with a weak excuse?

Horrible when people aren’t honest and up-front, isn’t it 🤷‍♀️

No, you lied, it’s quite transparent, and he’s seen through it.

Exactly.

"I wasn't bothered enough about you to take 10 seconds to compose a text message" isn't much better than, "I was put off you during our phone call but have since decided that I'd give you a chance." Is it?

You lied. He knew that. You'd have to have pretty low self esteem to reinstate contact with someone who ignored your messages after a phone call and then tried to pick it up again with a lame excuse.

He is not the problem here. You are.