Christmas location

[Peanutts]

Hello all,
I need a sanity check on an ongoing argument with my DH.
We sold our house in March and due to Covid and our chain collapsing, have had to move in with my husbands parents. We are purchasing another house but it won’t complete until Jan.
So basically, everyday since we have moved in I have seen my in laws and with lockdown, have only had the chance to see my parents 3 times sticking to rules. My in laws have been there for all our birthdays, including our 2 children's, milestones etc and we will have the Christmas build up and decorating house etc with them. My husband had agreed to spend xmas day at my parents if the rules allowed it as I was getting upset that firstly I hadn’t seen them in ages, and secondly it wasn’t fair for them to miss out on all the special events with the children. However, now since there rules have been confirmed today that we can go, he has changed his tune (I think he thought we would still be locked down) and he is calling me selfish and saying he doesn’t want to spend Christmas Day there as it will upset his parents. His parents have the option of meeting with other family under the new rule (who they usually spend xmas with every year) but he thinks it is rude for us to leave them for Xmas day.
I am devastated that we are arguing about this again and think he is being selfish. I am wrong to pursue my way?
Thanks for your inputs.

To add, my parents live 2 hours away so with children it would not be fair to them to travel on xmas day in order to see both parents

OP.... get in your car and go see your Parents... and tell your selfish prick of a husband to piss off 🌺

On the face of it, YANBU. Although if your in laws have been putting you up for months, it could be seen as a bit of a slap in the face if you all then disappear for Christmas. On the other hand, they may be pleased to have a bit of a break from you all for a few days!

Have you discussed with his parents? It’s not selfish at all for you to want to see your parents whilst you can, but I can also see his parents have been kind having you to stay.

This is a terrible dilemma. I don't know what the situation is with his parents, but if they have made a considerable effort to house you, for example struggling for room in order to make you all as comfortable as possible and/or helping you financially, I can understand that they might feel hurt to be 'second best' when it comes to the big day. They may well have expressed this or something similar privately to your dh.

However, staying with inlaws since January is a very long time and it is perfectly understandable that you are desperate to see your own parents.

We are going to have a 5 day window. Is it not possible to do something significant with both sides. Go to your family for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Your parents get to have all the excitement of the build up on Christmas Eve which is lovely then the main event. Maybe you could then return for a Buffet on Boxing day or maybe the day after with your dh's parents and another family. You could maybe smilingly offer to sort the Buffet [which could be done quite easily] as a thankyou for all they've done in having you. Alternatively, if restaurants are open you could take just the dpil out on Boxing day or one of the days after using that as a thankyou to them if you like.

I can totally understand you wanting all 5 days at your dps Peanutts, but one thing is certain, if you are going back to live there some sort of compromise is going to be a lot better than all out war on this issue. Good luck

@edwinbear

On the face of it, YANBU. Although if your in laws have been putting you up for months, it could be seen as a bit of a slap in the face if you all then disappear for Christmas. On the other hand, they may be pleased to have a bit of a break from you all for a few days!

Have you discussed with his parents? It’s not selfish at all for you to want to see your parents whilst you can, but I can also see his parents have been kind having you to stay.

^^ this

Any way your h could find out without hurting their feelings?

I can't see how he thinks he has an argument at all.
Anyone who had any empathy would 100% understand , and indeed would have suggested it in the first place, that you will go tou your parents.

Thank you for your feedback. We were planning to go Christmas Eve after work and come back first thing in the 28th, so we can celebrate the rest of the week and new year with his parents...that what makes it’s so hard as I have never even suggested ever going for the full time.
Husband has avoided talking to her about it but I have and she has said she would understand because if she could go abroad to see her other son, she wouldn’t hesitate! I have told my husband but he just thinks I’m being selfish to leave them now.

They live in a huge house so if we weren’t using them, there would be 4 spare bedrooms, and 2 unused rooms downstairs. Even her other son (Who lives abroad) has commented to her that it is so lucky we did move in as otherwise they would have not seen us either with lockdown and instead they have had bills paid by us, shared cooking and every weekend we have done something to entertain at home.