It’s my birthday today and I’m suddenly in a hole

[TreacleTaste]

I have been single for four years and dating the last 2 and a half years. I really want to settle down but mostly I can get on with things and focus on other stuff alongside looking for a relationship.

But today. I’m sat here on the sofa in tears, not at all coping, wondering how the hell I’ve got to this age and in this state, on my birthday in a silent house. I live alone and family isolating so I haven’t seen anyone. But it’s more than that. It’s the fact I have this realisation that another birthday is here and I’m alone again. I have nothing to show of building a life with someone or a future. People I meet end up still married, not wanting commitment in general or just not right for me. I’ve been realistic about what I’m looking for. Don’t know what else to do.

I feel like I really don’t want to be here for another year if this is going to be my future. I am so crushed today. Don’t know what I’m asking really just needed to turn somewhere.

So sorry you're feeling like this.
Think everything feels harder and magnified under horrible Covid times too.
Can you plan something really fun and different for next year or next years birthday.
Think of somewhere you've always wanted to go and do and start planning things to look forward.
I really hope you manage to have a Happy Birthday tomorrow 🥳

@nononovember thanks. I feel so old now. I can’t imagine having any of the things I had hoped for. I feel so sad.

How old will you be ?
Do you have a job ?

I'm 42 with 3 kids and so completely tied to life where I am.
I wished I'd emigrated when I was younger but now feel I can't.
You could do anything you want to do ? Start a whole new exciting chapter.

I’m 37 today. I feel sick at the thought! I know that sounds dramatic but I’ve wanted to settle down for so long. I won’t have any of those things now, can’t even begin to see myself meeting anyone and living with them let alone marrying them.

Yes I have a job.

I don’t want to emigrate. I just want to stay here, in the place I love, but with someone I can have a future with. I like my job and my life aside from this. I’m just so so sad tonight. How can I still be in this situation? It doesn’t seem fair. I try soo hard to be positive and upbeat about it all and I just can’t anymore.

I have a friend who is 36 today, she has 2 DC and is feeling really low and depressed. Do you think it could be the whole covid-19 situation making everything seem so much worse? That topped with a birthday in lockdown another year older (as you see it) and a write off of a year where dating and what not was put on the backburner, it’s no wonder you’re not feeling your best!

I really feel for you.

I'm here holding your hand. 💖

chin up x

I've seen so many posts on here about women feeling the same.... and there were so many positive stories where women met partners after years of being single and went on to get married and have children. A lot of these were 37,38,39 at the time they met people and had children early 40's! I know it's hard but stay positive but continue to be proactive with dating...... you just never know what's round then corner xxxx

Listen up, missis. In age, you are a baby. A young person.

You have decades ahead of you, and every likelihood of meeting someone. I know it's hard now, with socialising so curtailed, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. There really is.

OP do you have good friends/family? People often forget that we are a community species and were meant to live and interact with other people on a regular basis. With the loss of the community part of our modern society a lot of people place all of that want for human connection into the form of a SO. I don't think this is healthy, it's too great a burden to put on yourself and someone else. Romantic love is great but it is no more important than friends and family (and being involved in something bigger than yourself, i.e. a community).

It also does not help that society tells us that women who are not/not yet married are incomplete. Is it possible that some of this stress that you're feeling is coming from feeling like a black sheep because you feel like the other women around you are all settled down? If I were you I would stop placing all your worth and thoughts of the future on a man coming into your life. It's like planning your life around winning the lottery; winning the lottery would be wonderful, but most people are fully capable of leading wonderful lives without winning the lottery. You also attract more people if you are content within yourself as you are, if people can sense that you feel inadequate as an individual it makes you less appealing to them.

I've been where you are and sympathise but I think the issue here lies with self-worth rather than the lack of a SO.

Also, happy birthday for yesterday! Here's to celebrating another year of you

Now is the time to start dreaming, plotting and planning ahead. Use the energy from your misery to do a proper assessment of where you are, where you'd like to be, and how to bridge the gap between the two. Also, plan for more than one outcome, have a plan A and a plan B. There are many helpful resources on the internet and in libraries that will assist you. Take control of those things which you have the ability to change. Good luck.