I need someone to tell me it’s not me

[Free23]

I’ve posted a few times I’m sorry. I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. I’m having another really bad day, i feel like things are getting worse.
I left my husband 3 months ago because of history of anger outburst and general shitty behaviour. He’s not taking it well.
But I’m stuck living with him with our kids due to being posted abroad.
Today is another shit day. Everything fine this morning then he took a turn for the worst again with his mood.
In the car on the way to the shops I was talking about flying home with the kids for Christmas to see family and staying in a hotel. He said the kids will stay at his mums and I said no I want to be with them, they can stay over one night that’s fine but I’m not going to go to England and not be with my kid. He found this very unreasonable of me and made me feel terrible about it and started saying that’s what you’re doing to me, taking my kids off me. And generally being argumentative. Talking me I was nasty to him all the time, how could I do that to him I’m not normal, it’s not normal to give up on a marriage, I blame him for everything but he hasn’t actually done anything it’s me that’s nasty, I’m the talk of the community everyone thinks I’m sleeping around,,,,Saying that I’m “always going for little walks” (I did this once yesterday because he was being horrible to me and I wanted to get away from the situation)
It was the same yesterday and I told him I was going to go for a walk because I didn’t want to listen to him being nasty to me and he obviously thought I was going to meet someone and so today while he was ranting at me he said you going to go for another walk?? If I go anywhere he makes me feel anxious cos I know he’s going to have jibes at me about “meeting another man or men or whatever the hell he thinks”
I planned on going for another walk this morning as i actually enjoyed the headspace yesterday but I felt like I couldn’t go this morning because he wouldn’t be happy about it and my friend asked me if I wanted to go round she had made some brownies and I said no because I didn’t want him to think I was going out to meet someone. I know these are classic signs of abusive relationship but I’m really doubting myself after everything he said to me today about it actually being me that’s nasty etc I’m really doubting myself. I’m literally about to break. I want to go home early with the kids but he won’t let me because he doesn’t want to be away from the kids
I just feel trapped and alone and horrible and useless.

What steps can you take to leave him? Can you stay in the uk with family when you come back for Christmas? What support is there for women in abusive relationships where you're living? Be proactive and get yourself out of that house and away from him

Don't have much advice but didn't want to read and leave. He's a controlling arse. All these things he's saying are merely to manipulate you into a behaviour that's advantageous to him. It's not you, it's him. You need to find a way to block him out of your headspace until you can get away from him and the quicker you can get away from him the better. His behaviour might escalate to far worse.

And go for your walks and visit your friend. Let him think whatever it is he is thinking.

This post just clarifies that it is not you. Do you think your abusve, arsehole husband is on a forum feeling awful about himself, asking people whether he's in the wrong? Of coure he's not, because he's an abusive arsehole husband. You, on the other hand, are clearly an empathetic individual who has taken steps to cut off her abuser and now your abuser is doubling down trying to scare you into coming back. He thinks that if he makes your life miserable enough and gaslights you enough into thinking that you are the problem that he can get you under his thumb again. It is classic abusive behaviour OP.

You've been brave and seperated from him, you need to keep being brave for your own sanity. You know in your heart and your gut that you are not the problem here.

From your post I am guessing that you are a military family. If you are please seek some help from your local families team. They will help you with everything you need to fully leave. They can house him elsewhere until you are able to return to the UK and assist with places to live here too.

I agree with pp, speak to welfare services they should be able to help. And be confidential.

No it’s not you, this man sounds like a controlling monster. Get yourself home for Christmas, no way would I be going back for further serves.
Best wishes.

If his mother is in England, then agree to let your child stay with his mother. Once you get off the plane, change your mind and take your child with you. Find a lawyer who handles international divorces and file in England. If you are military, report his behavior to the chaplain, family liaison, and commanding officer.

Gently point out the all the "you are meeting someone" when you are just going for a walk is part of the problem.

It will be ok.
Breathe.

Keep the children with you at home for Xmas if this is a option?

If you go for a walk and he accuses you just say 'think what you want'

This shouldn't stop you, you aren't together anyway

Is he coming with you to the uk? Are you originally from the uk? What are the legalities if you and the dc didn't go back to him?