Hes dumped me

[Battlewingo]

After an intense 8 weeks which seemed great everytime we met, he has dumped me. I am totally gutted. He has given a reason, I don't want to go into details on here as too outting. Hes followed his head, not his heart.
I feel unwanted, thrown out like a bag of rubbish. Why does this hurt so much

I would also like to add that he dumped me 2 days after I slept with him for the first time.

Well there we go!

(Sticking to lockdown I see!! )

he didnt do the its not you its me, that is not how the convo went at all.

christ, @Rolopolo2000 seems to get off on this shit

No need to be so gleeful, @Rolopolo2000

Sorry you're in pain, I know how you feel.

I also recently came out of a short relationship but will lots of future talk involved ( obviously all fake). It's hurt me more than the longer ones ending due to 'what could have been'.

Op just seen you have young kids.

Seriously - count yourself lucky. Potentially you would have brought a pretty pathetic flighty man in to their lives for a short period and then he’d have scarpered.

Having said that... he doesn’t sound so bad. He told you straight and early his concerns and he finished it.

The sleeping immediately before doing somewhat undermines that sympathetic view of him though

@Wanttobeonabeach - hugs, i feel your pain

Thank you.. you too xxx

It really is the worst...especially when you could envisage a future and they talked about it! If it had ran it's course it would be different...now we will never know.

I think there could be more with his 'friend' than he's letting on though.

I wonder why he went into so much detail about his friend's advice. Do you think he might be trying to leave the door a little ajar, so that he could come back and say it wasn't really his choice as he'd just allowed himself to be overly influenced.

Beware if he does. especially as dumping you came immediately after you'd slept with him.

I had this once, met someone online, was smitten immediately, it was very intense, he was talking about having kids and meeting his mum. Totally love bombed me for 6 weeks and then dropped me with no warning. Dickhead. I felt totally played. I know how you're feeling. Just think it's a lucky escape, you don't want to be in a relationship who drops you like that and who has an interfering friend, or that is easily swayed by said friend. You deserve better

As you say he was punching it sounds like you were just an ego boost for him - dumping you pretty much instantly after having sex for the first time also supports this. I wouldn't put blame on his 'friend', he's an adult and could have broken up with you (or not gotten involved in the first place!) before having sex if he was so against you having young kids.

Sorry you're feeling down OP but he doesn't sound like a very nice guy so I'd count it as a lucky escape. In future I'd be more careful of love-bombing, I know it's an old-fashioned way of viewing things but I personally wait a couple/few months before having sex with a new guy - it weeds out the ones that are just hoping to get lucky and a guy who is totally into you won't mind waiting a bit as he'll be enjoying your company.

I am not understanding this hatred towards him.
We can still support the OP without tearing him down ( and I think in the process making her feel used). I suppose though come posters are not interested in supporting or helping but rather to get the usual digs in.
Anyone can split up with someone if they dont feel its right, they dont have to give a reason, and getting involved with someone with young children is not easy if yours have left.

I am sorry this has happened to you OP. He wasn't right for you / the timing wasn't right. These things happen.
I hope this doesn't put you off finding someone else ( assuming you do).

No but he knew she had young children before he slept with her!!!!

@Wanttobeonabeach

No but he knew she had young children before he slept with her!!!!

Exactly. Do people really think it's just a coincidence that he had this realisation only after he'd got some sex? If you don't want to date someone who has children then don't, you don't need to have sex to realise that.

I’ve had this happen twice, both times “you have young kids I don’t it won’t work” was used. It wasn’t right after I slept with them though and I believe their reasons. Which is why I will never date a man with grown kids or no kids again.

Stings like a bitch but you’ll be ok. Just treat yourself to a bit of melancholy, some nice things then pull your socks up and crack on.

IJust might be in OPs case but I think men like that are just a bit thick to the realities. 8 weeks in + is where they get past the “you” to the “you as a mother” and all the complications and lack of time that come with it.

You’d think they’d think ahead but they don’t. See aforementioned emotionally thick. Which actually means generally a lucky escape because who wants to be with someone that stupid?

I see what you mean and I know it's a common way of thinking but I don't agree. Men are perfectly capable of being emotionally mature and responsible, they just know that they can get away with not being as society gives them a free pass.

No but he knew she had young children before he slept with her!!!! But sleeping with someone takes the relationship to another level. You can easily not think about the existence of kids when you’re just chatting and spending time together. Once you have sex with someone you know that that can only happen on occasions, and the reality that this is an adult relationship enters into the thinking.

Bearing in mind people feel that their relationships change immensely after kids even when the kids are theirs and have been planned. It’s not beyond the realms of reason that having kids of his own who are grown, he remembers just how much kids change the relationship, and in this instance there isn’t going to be an adjustment period.

It could of course be that he ended the relationship after he’d slept with the OP because he’d got what he wanted, but there’s also the chance it wasn’t that.

It’s shit for the OP, but as we say on here, anyone can end a relationship at any time for any reason they want to.

Shitty thing to do to finish a rel two days after having sex for first time (unless the sex was reason for ending it)

But he didn’t owe the OP’s children anything.

And I say this from perspective of being a single parent of two primary school children.

I understand you feel hurt but after 8 weeks you are not in a serious relationship with someone...

You will come across many men in life who will tell you what you want to hear, will initially wine and dine you and make you feel that this could be going somewhere.

They are simply guys who were looking for a bit of fun and will always run once they inevitably quickly lose interest or men who were not really available because they were still thinking about someone else.

The best thing to do is to take things slow and not assume that someone you have only known for a few weeks is committed to you until their actions, rather than their words, prove to you that they are.

He’s got a girlfriend or a wife that he’s not told you about. All the rats have come out during lockdown especially those that want easy sex and when they get it it’s back to the gutter they go.

Block him, delete his texts and fix your crown. After 8 weeks he’s just a long one night stand that was shit. Keep reminding yourself of that.

This relationship is all wrong anyway if he is so easily influenced by his ‘friend’. Time to move on to somebody more emotionally available. Feel for you xx

Hope you are feeling ok x

I'm so sorry. You will do better in time.