Libido almost gone, shift in sexuality

[Friar]

We have young children and I’m still breastfeeding, but this is the first time this has happened. About four months ago my libido reduced massively and I find the idea of penetration repulses me. We’ve always had a healthy sex life, with normal postpartum ups and downs. I’ve never felt like this before though. I am depressed, I think and am finding thing difficult with Covid and looking after the kids and the loneliness.
I’m also bisexual and have been craving closeness to a woman in a way I haven’t done in years and am freaked out and disturbed by this swing in my sexuality. If I do feel slightly sexual, it’s being intimate with a woman that I immediately think about. I just don’t fancy any men at the moment, even my lovely husband. I want these feelings to go away as I’m worried about my marriage. My husband’s being patient and kind. We still hug and kiss but I just feel nothing apart from sadness and love for him.
I don’t understand why the same-sex attraction has become dominant when I have always fancied my husband and am wondering if it’s a symptom of the depression?
I want to feel that way towards my husband again.

Bump

I don’t understand why the same-sex attraction has become dominant when I have always fancied my husband

You have young children OP, they are a product of your heterosexual relationship with your husband. And are, to be fair, a fucking drain on your energy. It's not their fault, it's just the nature of motherhood.

A same sex relationship would provide you with everything your DH gives you now, but without the risk of pregnancy, which would be a pretty big drawback atm.

Are you missing your female friends?

@DioneTheDiabolist It could be that. I am terrified of becoming pregnant again after a difficult pregnancy in the past. But the thought of intimacy with a man is just too ‘much’. Feel like I don’t know myself at the moment.

I'm strictly heterosexual so I have no experience on this but maybe if you posted somewhere on reddit you'd get loads of opinions. I'm sure they must have tonnes of subreddits on bisexuality because they have subreddits for everything!!

I did pick up one interesting fact on there once....a few lesbians (100% gay, no interest in men) said that around the time they ovulated they sometimes had sex dreams about men! so perhaps in your case it's hormonal like that? I've also read that straight women who are ovulating are also often interested in different men than they normally are...maybe more alpha male kind of thing.

Sorry it is clear that I know nothing about this but if hormones can make lesbians dream about men or women crave more masculine energy then would it be possible that the reverse could be true too?....maybe there's some kind of imbalance going on with your hormones if this is all very sudden and intense...or perhaps it is depression as you said or a combination of both!

Not sure where you'd go with that. I suppose you could give it time to see if your feelings change but being repulsed by your husbands sexuality is prettty heavy. Poor man.

The fact that it's very heavy would make me think that it might be hormonal as hormones can wreak havoc with how a person feels!!

Female sexuality (l can’t speak for men) can be very fluid. In addition we cannot control our dreams which or often inexplicable to most people.

We have all been in very strange times, many of us having an overload of a few people and missing others.

I’d suggest that as you are going through a bumpy ride at the moment you are fantasising about others and a gentler life. This is not uncommon during certain times. I don’t think the gender of a person is the specific issue.

How aware if this, and how supportive is your husband?

I had similar feelings after my DD2 was born. I had zero attraction to my husband and regularly fantasized about a same sex set up (I'm straight as far as I'm aware!) our relationship was rocky though as he was crap when the DC were babies and didn't do any of the work so I felt he was obsolete as I already had my babies and I sure as hell didn't want anymore at that stage and was terrified at the thought!

The feelings went in time as the DC got older and I stopped BF and started getting sleep etc. basically when I was out of the trenches. Perhaps it's nature way of protecting yourself from another difficult pregnancy?

@user1481840227 I think it must definitely be hormonal. The ‘baby-making’ hormones must be on the back-burner for now, so the latent attraction to women is stronger? Even the smell of him is unattractive which is so sad. It seems like in early pregnancy when some women go off their husbands entirely, but I’m definitely not pregnant. I think it’s blindsided me, how I can feel like a completely different person.

@StarlightLady My husband knows I’m depressed and that I’m trying to do something about it. He doesn’t know anything apart from that my libido’s crashed and I wouldn’t tell him. I think I am craving gentleness tbh.
As you say the stresses of the year have affected us all. Like many parents I think we’re in survival mode at the moment.

@Badwill That’s really reassuring, thank you. This has come out of nowhere so it’s good to know there will probably be an end it.
Thanks for responses everyone

@Friar
You should definitely see your doctor or a womens health clinic or if you have a public health nurse maybe they could offer advice..sorry I'm not in the UK so i'm not sure what your options are there...but if it is hormonal then perhaps it is an imbalance that you should try to get corrected rather than just put up with it because it's probably affecting you in other ways or it can put your health at risk in other ways in the longer term!

Maybe it's normal and natural and will correct itself but it's possible that it won't so it's worth getting your hormone levels checked!