Divorce, I have Nothing

[Loubycee1]

Hi all,

I'm just going to keep this brief for a moment but please ask questions.

Husband wants a divorce following my own downfall and the children aren't happy. Although I'm upset and don't want this, I want support (I took an overdose and have been drinking too much over a time) and waiting for Bupa and Turning Point to send me details of recommended therapy.

I have nothing, his name is on the morgage, he pays bills after I was made redundant x4 now self-employed which is of course an unreliable income, and he even pays for my mobile phone (and checks bills for numbers I call).

We need to do this and I know the children will prefer to be with Dad I just don't know what to do. Aware I can't just be tossed out of the house I seriously don't have a clue what to do and where to turn. No money for my own Solicitor or even a deposit on a new home. We have never had government benefits and I was even turned down for JSA some years ago.

Does anyone have a similar experience or even know where to get advice to begin with?

The house is up for sale as of four days ago although that was just because the recent year meant we needed to rethink finances.

Thank you so much
L

Solicitor and free legal advice -apply for legal aid. 50% is yours.

What country are you in and how much equity is in the house? Did you ever pay towards the deposit and mortgage?

Also, you won't get legal aid, and 50% is not guaranteed. Especially if the DC stay with him.

How is your relationship with him (I mean obviously not great but can you talk constructively)? I guess he'd like you gone so he may be willing to help you make that happen. Do you have a joint account or savings? Before you do anything else you need to speak to a solicitor.

Hi,

I'm in the South East, UK.

No joint account. I contributed to bills when I worked and when I was temping, and usually now, whatever I make goes to his account.

I can't afford a Solicitor, as I mentioned I have nada.

Thanks all

L

You have no access to any money? You’re married. That’s financial abuse. How have you managed if you’ve got no access to money. Something doesn’t seem right here. You shouldn’t be penniless. How do groceries get purchased? How long have you been married? Do not leave the house. Do not sign anything. I’m going to suggest you need legal advice before you do anything. Does your husband have savings? Half of all the assets are yours. If you’re not working then you can be the child’s daily parent. Do you do all the child related stuff?

When I was looking at getting divorced the solicitor told me that “no joint account” was always a big red flag.

You do not have to leave and you do not have to agree to the kids living with him. Have you been worn down by your living situation and not being treated equally?

Can you stay put and try to live amicably under the same roof for a while longer and take your time? Is there another man involved? Do you have family to stay with if you need to? Although as other posters have said, you shouldn't leave your home until you have legal advice.

Although you have nothing for a solicitor today, if you keep every penny you earn for the next few weeks, you will have enough. Don't spend any more of your income on the household.

My friend recently divorced a s had nothing to pay a solicitor (massive financial abuse was going on). She talked to one, who basically said she’d seen it all before and to pay her out of the divorce settlement. Get a solicitor, half that house, his pensions etc are yours. Good luck OP!

Thank you, actually that sounds very familiar. It's really difficult when you don't want to speak and the children are emotional because of what I have done. I don't want to do this, just sorry to him and my children.

I'm going to contact Citizens Advice today to see if I can get an appointment. He'll probably ask where I'm going and why. I can only explain that he has money for a Solicitor and I don't. I am working, probably £300 this week if I get my motivation on!!!!

Thanks to all.

Lou

Please contact Women’s Aid (if you phone them you can hide from your partner that you have called them they have a feature that can stop it coming up in your call list). It sounds like you are being controlled by your partner and they will be able to help you leave safely.

Why is it all what you 'have done'? Are you taking on the whole resposibility for the breakdown of the marriage? Why is it all your fault? Is that because he says it is?

Do you want to sell the house? Are you buying a new house? Are you on the deeds for the house? If you don't trust him to play fair with the house I would register your home rights with the land registry NOW. It might mean a delay in the house sale going through, but it gives you some control. He can't just sell the house and pocket the money. It's a simple form that takes minutes to fill in.

I would also like to know what you have done or think you have done. No point hinting at a bigger picture.

Sorry, just seen this (I took an overdose and have been drinking too much over a time). Has your husband been supportive up to now? What does the drinking look like in reality and on a day to day basis?

Have you had an affair or something? Because your position in this situation sounds peculiar - like you might think something you've done is bad because you're in an abusive relationship and that's what you've been led to believe, or you have actually done something morally reprehensible - not that I'm looking to pass judgement but it might be helpful so that people can shed some light on appropriate action?

The starting point for any financial settlement is always 50/50 regardless of who has their names on what and regardless of who did what, or who was to blame for the divorce. You will be entitled to a part if the house equity, any savings even that are in his name and any pensions.

You can get a free half hour with a solicitor and some solicitors will take their fees from the final settlement.

I know you may feel guilty, especially if you feel you've let your family down, but you need to provide for yourself and ensure you don't screw your future self out of guilt

A solicitor will tell you what you can expect to get during your first free half hour so go and see one.
Once you know what you will get you can negotiate from there.

Register your rights to the house. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or not done. A relationship is two people. They breakdown. Stop carrying all the blame. Call local solicitors and book a free half hour appointment. Don’t spend the time talking about who did what. Use the time to get info about where you stand and what you should do next. Please reach out to family and friends. Victimising yourself isn’t setting the kids a good example and will only ruin your future. You have rights that you shouldn’t just walk away from

Even if you’ve had an affair you still get half the assets.

I work at a solicitors and we do a free half hour of legal advice. Try ringing around solicitors near you to see if they offer the same. I had alcohol problems and overcame them and so can you, Turning Point are amazing and try AA there will be other women in your situation who can give you some help and support.

@Loubycee1

"he even pays for my mobile phone (and checks bills for numbers I call)"

^^ This......are you in an abusive relationship? You have no access to money, he pays for your mobile and checks the numbers you call? You may not realise this at the moment and his behaviour may have caused you to take the overdose and drink. Abusive partners can be detrimental to mental health. Seek support and advise immediately.

This is financial abuse. Get what's yours and don't give up without a fight.