Help - not married, 2 kids, possibly separating

[Soph036]

I'm looking for some advise, my partner has been speaking a lot about separating, this has been going on for the last 18 months, obvs Covid not helping. We have children (4yr and 11 months), I am currently on mat leave due to go back in January. Whilst we both want to try to work on the relationship, I also want to get myself prepared for the possibility of us separating. As we are not married, legally where do I stand? He earns a huge amount more than me, his career path is on the up and when angry / when we are fighting he very much acts like I'm not going to get anything from him. We own a house together, but I feel like just going 50/50 on the house is not going to cut it and will mean a very very different lifestyle for me and our children. Without wanting to get into huge arguments about finances, I'm looking to see what I'm actually eligible for.

You are eligible for 50/50 on the house plus maintenance.

You are eligible for nothing if you are not married.
If the house is in joint names you will get half and no more.
The children will get CMA, that's it.
The best way to start is find a really excellent lawyer specialising in family law for a free half hour and they will tell you what I've told you.

And if you have 50/50 shared custody, there will be no maintenance.

As PP said. I'd get back to work, ensure he's paying a decent portion of childcare, pay down any debts in your name and squirrel away a fuck it fund for emergencies.

I'm afraid no marriage means no protection.

You will get 50% of the house if you're joint tenants or tenants in common and 50% is the specified share.

You can also apply for maintenance for your children. There's a calculator on the gov.uk website if you know his annual/monthly earnings.

You do not have any rights over any more of his wages and/or pensions, assets etc as you would if you were married.

Sorry to say this, hope it helps though!

where do the fees for nursery, after school club come into, is this normally a separate agreement outside of CMA?

50% of the house (assuming you are joint tenants) and maintenance. However, if you get 50/50 custody, you won't be entitled to maintenance either.

Unfortunately, no marriage = no protection.

@Soph036

where do the fees for nursery, after school club come into, is this normally a separate agreement outside of CMA?

You'll have to agree that between yourselves. He's under no legal obligation to pay for it, though.

Half the house plus maintenance based on his earning. Put his earning into the online calculator.

Legally this includes everything like nursery, clothes, food etc.

As others have said, fifty fifty on the equity in the house.

He is liable for maintenance for the children, not you. You can look up the calculator on line to see what that would be. It is dependent on how long each party cares for the kids each week/month .

Any additional money over the legal limit is by agreement only. There is no requirement legally for him to pay more.

He is liable for maintenance for the children, not you

Sorry this means he is liable to pay child maintenance as the law sets out. You are not entitled to any of his money personally.

He is only liable to pay maintenance if OP looks after the children more than he does. If he has them 50% of the time then he doesn’t have to pay anything.

@thecakebadge

He is only liable to pay maintenance if OP looks after the children more than he does. If he has them 50% of the time then he doesn’t have to pay anything.

Yes,

Op, this means though on the days he has them he has to pay the childcare fees due for that day, so if they are at nursery it’s his job to pay them,

He isn’t due to pay you any maintenance for them because he’s already paying his share by having them half the time, you pay for them, your share, when you have them.

Sadly, like others have said if he gets 50/50 he won't have to pay you a penny and may not even pay for misery on his days, it does happen.

And like others have said the house split depends utterly on how you set it up.

Also agree with getting back to work and saving every bloody penny.

I am sorry as women are generally much worse off following separation and even when married, however it is certainly worse of not married. If you were married you would have potential of enhanced child maintenance and greater share of assets, such as house, pension.

If he is a very high earner, CMS is capped so you won't even get full % of his salary, just up to the weekly limit, which hasn't been reviewed in years.
So in summary uou are relying on his goodwill, some decent men will try to ensure their children don't suffer too much but a signifcant proportion begrudge giving money as assume its wasted on the Ex, the mother of their children.

You will have your income and any childcare benefits, such as nursery assisted place plus CMS.

@Soph036

where do the fees for nursery, after school club come into, is this normally a separate agreement outside of CMA?

Out of the CMA or agreed seperately. As you're working then you'll get some help towards childcare costs once baby is 3 and possibly 2 depending on your salary. Of it's shared custody you'd only pay for childcare during your time so part time so you're off when you have them might help but it will massive reduce or stop CMA

You will get a share of the house as per the deeds, he is obliged to pay child maintenance according to how you share their custody. On the whole he might decide to pay more but he doesn't have to.

50% of the house & child maintenance HOWEVER depending on your individual circumstances & the needs of your children you may be able to make a claim for additional support under The Children’s Act 1989 - for example, if you are unable to adequately house your children on your earnings / child maintenance / 50% of the house proceeds & your ex is a high earner then a court may award you extra provisions. There’s a whole list of criteria (covering individual financial circumstances, disability etc) so I’d recommend seeing a solicitor to see if you’re eligible to bring a claim.

OP I’d recommend posting on the Legal Matters board as there are knowledgeable posters on there who can probably give you a bit more information about The Children’s Act 1989

What are the relationship issues ? It is more him than you pushing to separate ?

See a solicitor ASAP. You need to protect yourself. Don’t sign anything. Don’t spend out any money. Save. Make him pay for anything he wants in the house. Can’t believe you had two kids without getting married. Every teenage girl in this country should be given the mumsnet website address and told to read it thoroughly before having children.

Every teenage girl in this country should be given the mumsnet website address and told to read it thoroughly before having children. Isn't that the truth.

I've been through this unfortunately and as pp have said you are only entitled to half the house and CM as calculated on Cms calculator if you have more than 50% shared care. The father is not responsible for childcare costs even on his days as that's what CMS is for. I've been through the family court for this very reason. The court will not order him to pay neither will they order you to pay. However they wont grant access if they refuse to provide adequate care including childcare. All well and good but it meant that my dd and ex only have access eow and I'm still left with 100% of the childcare bill.

It needs to be taught in schools.
Marriage is your legal protection .

If you cannot afford to house yourself and the children on 50% of the equity/house value, then it's possible that you could remain in the house (and he would have to wait for his share) until the youngest child is 18 - but check with a solicitor