Blending family. How soon ??

[punkscissors]

I am not in any hurry and don't foresee blending for a long time but I am at sea about when and how to introduce boyfriend to children, how to make it as easy as possible for them , when to have boyfriend over to the house for a visit .
I would like for it all to be as seamless for my children of course .
Are there any tips/ advice / mistakes that you made that you could advise from please. I would be grateful.Thank you.
My children are 17, 13 and 9.

Anyone please?

You’d need to give more background I think to get relies. How long you are divorced / separated. How long you’ve been with current partner. What your custody arrangements are?

Certainly there is a long way to go between having a boyfriend over to visit and “blending families”. So maybe just do one small step at a time whilst you see if your new relationship lasts.

Thanks @HaggisBurger for your reply. I am separated 18 months. Marriage dead for years. Children are doing well. They are happier in that they are out of an aggressive and hostile situation .
They spend eow woth their Dad and a couple of evenings per week for a few hours.
I am With boyfriend 6 months. They don't know that I am seeing anyone. We both th see a future but course as far as children are concerned, it will need to be very very slow.
HOw do you suggest I start the process of making the children aware that there is someone in my life , thanks . Yes m quite nervous about it .
He has his child eow as he lives far away and a few weeks holidays and bank holidays per year . His child is 10.

Hi @punkscissors.
I've recently introduced a new boyfriend to my kids and all seems to have gone well. I think the timescales probably are different for everybody TBH - I wouldn't believe the general rhetoric on here that you need to wait 6-12 months etc.
I'd been dating my guy 6 months (although part of that was throughout the lock-down period earlier this year). My two are 13 and 15 and his kids are same ages. For the first meeting we organised a joint activity that we could all do together- went out for the day and then at the childrens insistence we came back to my house after to hang out. We've met up also once since but, now with 2nd lockdown we've decided not to all meet up again probably until Christmas.
Both meet ups went smoothly and everyone seemed relaxed.
We've no plans yet to think about 'blending families' ie moving in but we have now got a holiday provisionally booked for next summer with all of us together.

I did talk to my 2 that I was dating so they had heard about my BF before we met up so nothing was a surprise.

I would look at doing the introduction somewhere neutral for first meet up if possible, then maybe a meal at home and take it from there. When I met my OH we would have moved in within the first year but due to job locations it didn’t work , we’re 4 years down the line and about to blend, tho our dcs are adults so easier.

I’d say there’s not a perfect time, just when it feels right for you all.

Thanks for all your ideas. I'm pretty nervous about it all. I know I'm jumping way ahead but I'm still anxious about it as their father has a girlfriend for the last two years...
Affair partner ... and she says she is not yet ready to meet our children which bothers me .

I'd wait at least another 6 months before introducing them tbh and then I would be introducing them as a friend not a boyfriend.

There's no rush.

Im not sure introducing a new male friend as a friend rather than a boyfriend is going to work with a 17 and 13 year old. Mine are 11 and 14 and would see straight through that. Honesty is surely a better policy once they are teens. "I've met someone, he is significant to me and I'd like you to meet him... once you've known him long enough to properly know that he is significant to you. Nobody else can tell you how long that is going to be OR guarantee that it won't go wrong after you've reached that conclusion.

I think the oldest two are definitely old enough to understand that you have a life too!

Could you drop in that you are going on a date a gauge their reaction? I have to say I think they are a bit to old to fall for the "mummy's friend" line!