Dh and I have been married for 18 years, since I was 20 and he was 29 and the sex side has never been brilliant. He gave me an sti in the very early days of our relationship after I thought he was using a condom but he hadn’t put it on. He’s never liked using them - probably hence why he had an sti. For whatever reason, it really affected me, physically and emotionally and I had discomfort for years and years afterwards. I’ve never been sure why as it was picked up within only a couple of weeks as I had symptoms, luckily, so there wasn’t time for it to have caused damage. Dh told me afterwards that his previous girlfriend had it but as he had no symptoms he assumed he was fine 🙄
We have since gone years without having sex and ive never enjoyed it. We have somehow managed to have dc but since my youngest was born 5 years ago I think we’ve had sex only five times. Partly because dh still won’t use condoms and I won’t risk having another baby. Only partly this though because I don’t want sex with him anyway.
He’s been talking about having a vasectomy but asked me outright if he’d then get ‘sex on tap’ if he did as he’d feel cheated if he had the vasectomy and then he didn’t get to have ‘a go on me.’
I don’t know if I can sleep with him, I probably can, but only under duress. We aren’t affectionate. I feel like to go from no intimacy physically or emotionally to sex is a lot. I don’t feel close enough to him to talk about it. He gets angry. He did say it’s not right for a husband and wife to be living like this.
But I’ve 2dc. I’ve just got to do what I need to i suppose.
Any advice?