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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i paranoid. Trusting

12 replies

Angelicaxox · 22/11/2020 23:02

So just need some advice i feel bit fragile at the minute as this is getting to much for me so i dont want to make it long

Me and husband having been having a rocky relationship for some while about a year id say. He lies to me about small things, makes no effort, no affection unless we're having sex and he tells me this is because of work as hes self employed he needs to really get his business going. We were last trying to build the trust he broke but as hes been so secretive with his phone - takes it to the shower with him, has it in his pocket, basically you wont see it ever. So ive asked to see it not to snope but i want to just see. (i only wanted to see if he'd give it, that would have been enough for me to take one step forward on trusting him. I wouldn't have even looked) He ofcourse refused like always and said im being difficult, its ridiculous i have to ask for his phone, his got work and told me to leave it he needs to sleep to be up for work on time. Were sleeping in separate rooms for now
Bare in mind we are trying to fix this relationship, its only been 3 days since he lied about who he was with so im not asking randomly. No doubt hes very hardworking and a great father but Ive been very on edge with myself for few days, thinking and thinking what other things he may be lying about.

Am I? I didn't break the trust.i dont know if im being extremely unreasonable

Advice anyone please

OP posts:
Angelicaxox · 22/11/2020 23:06

Forgot to add.

I want to make it work. But is there any hope or anything i can do or should do. Would telling him to leave help him see what he's going to miss.

Thanks for reading my essay

OP posts:
Porkchops22 · 22/11/2020 23:09

What did he do to break your trust?

Mrsmummy90 · 22/11/2020 23:09

He wouldn't hide his phone unless he had something to hide. If there's no trust, what is the point?
I don't mean to sound harsh but if he's always lying to you, you will spend you life second guessing every little thing that comes out of his mouth and that's no way to live.

Icanflyhigh · 22/11/2020 23:10

What did he do to break your trust in the first instance ?

seensome · 22/11/2020 23:12

If you're catching him out lying about things then it's not unreasonable to not trust him, the relationship sounds like it's at the end, separate rooms, no affection. Call it a day, what's the point in putting yourself through prolonged anxiety and heartache, a relationship ending is never easy and it's painful but if you stay then the longer you are dragging it out.

Onthedunes · 22/11/2020 23:14

No, your not being unreasonable, if he broke your trust he should be now trying to reasure you.

It takes two to make a marriage work.

Angelicaxox · 22/11/2020 23:51

@Icanflyhigh @Porkchops22 the girl has contacted him via his social media account to get her car fixed, his gone and arranged to do it twice along was telling me its his good mates car. I mean why lie about such a thing makes no sense to me tbf. He told me he did this for free as long as she told people about his business as its new.

I mean its just rediilous in my eyes

Also Carried on the convo with her. But kept it friendly. I wouldn't have even found out as i know none of his female mates

OP posts:
Angelicaxox · 22/11/2020 23:52

& this mate was a male. Thats whats peeved me off

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 23/11/2020 01:55

I'm no clearer, your explanation doesn't read well. Who is 'the girl'. Is she someone he's had relations with, or just a friend? Lots of info missing, so not much to go on to advise, perhaps you could explain the situation more?

Angelicaxox · 23/11/2020 08:01

Sorry. Hes told me different story's and when i tell him you are telling me different lies hes been telling me im twisting it. he's 1st told me its just a random female apparently he met outside. Then he said she found him on the Internet. Then he said he was working on his car and she approached him. I dont know anymore nothing ever adds up @Opentooffers

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 23/11/2020 08:05

Have you posted more than once about him?

This reads very familiar.

You are going round in circles, he is gaslighting you and that makes it all worse.

It doesnt matter if he thinks you're paranoid, what matters is how you feel about the situation. You wont get answers from him as his story keeps changing so you need to do whats best for you.

What do you want to do?
Can you continue to live with someone who lies about his whereabouts and wont be honest with you?

Onthedunes · 23/11/2020 19:05

You are confused by his constant lies and deceit.

Hold on to the fact that you won't get any real answers from him.
You may as well talk to a brick.

Detach and stop asking for answers your are not going to get.
He is purposely making you ill.

He is using you for sport.

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