Early this year, my marriage ended. All very amicable, very sad, but we are all ok. Children, 5 and 10, are fine, doing really well. Just fizzled out, lots of resentment from my side about how he left me to do everything, despite a full time job. I felt unsupported and lonely, he was cold, drank too much, sex was perfunctory at best. I turned into a nag around him. Didn't like myself very much. We were good friends, had a laugh together (when drink involved) but we weren't making each other happy. It took me about 6 years of feeling unhappy, on and off, to get to that point. So it was a relief when it ended. Lots of mutual friends still have no idea because he made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone... And then lockdown. So we didn't see anyone. Lived separate lives, then he moved out in July. People gradually got to know. Most didn't agree with me ending it, lots of comments about how I should have just got on with it, marriage is like that, etc etc. They only saw him as the good time, happy drunk.
I am happier though, the relief was immense.
A colleague at work I've known 9 years had become a friend. There was chemistry, but nothing ever happened, we became very good friends, laughed about fancying each other and made it into a big joke.. always had a great time chatting, very easy with each other and worked really well together. My ex knew about him, I used to joke about him fancying me and we used to laugh it off really. Wasn't a threat. We chatted lots during lockdown, got closer, then during the summer when things were lifted a little we saw lots of each other for walks, just to fill the time I was alone.
So, of course... Started seeing each other in september and have been very very happy. We both know it's quick, but at the same time are very comfortable with each other and it feels very right.
We only see each other at work, but without anyone knowing we are an item, so just to say hi in passing, or when I don't have the children, which is fine, I'm happy to have time to myself and so is he. We both have (had!) lots of hobbies, friends, separate interests.
We talk every day, we watch stuff online together, we fill the time when we can't see each other but do miss each other lots.
Everything is fantastic, we are suited and are very open with each other. Lots of the same goals, we've talked about the future a lot, tentatively but are happy to just see how things go. Been very open about the things I did wrong in my marriage and why I think it failed, I've had lots of therapy and we talk a lot about making sure we don't make the same mistakes. He's a very different person from my ex.
But. Covid and the speed (9 months ish since split) is making things so complicated. I only see him when I don't have the children, although they have met him a few times through work in the past and like him. I'm not planning on introducing him to them anytime soon, at all.
None of my friends apart from one couple who have met him and thought he was great, know we are together because it's so soon after my marriage ending. It wouldn't be fair for my ex to find out through friends as I'm worried he'd assume it was going on before we split. I don't want to hurt him.
I can't see him at his house as he has a lodger who is working from home and literally never leaves the house. He's really weird about people and doesn't want to be my support bubble household. So although really, if I had a positive test, my boyfriend would have to isolate and so would the lodger, as he's a hermit and never leaves the house anyway, it's basically no difference to his life... He's aware my bf sees me and is fine with it, but not with me going there. Which is fine, but that means he has to stay here... My neighbours know that my ex has left but due to lockdown really didn't know until September... So again, I'm worried about them assuming things about us. (live in a tiny village, everyone snoops)
Basically I can't tell anyone about him, I can't see him at his house, I can't see him here more than maybe once a month, and now with new restrictions I can't see us being able to see each other at all, as he will want to see his parents on Xmas day and they are vulnerable... I can't spend time with him before then as it'll just be too much of a risk to them as my children are in 2 schools. I don't have time without the children for the next month anyway as my ex is away with work and then isolating.
Ridiculous thing is we work in a school, so are at so much more risk at work than if he comes to see me at my house with no one else here..we both feel like the lockdown is a bit of a joke as we work with over a 1000 teens every day... But aren't allowed to spend time together.
Basically I've just got so down today, thinking it could be another 6 months before we can see each other anywhere apart from outside and at work, or spend any time together in each others homes. We cant have anything approaching a normal start to our relationship. It was fine when it was nice out, we walked, went to garden centres, out for drinks outside... The weather is shit here and we still do this but it's not the same.
I don't feel I can tell anyone, as strictly speaking we can't have started a relationship until everything has lifted, and even then it'll seem weird me introducing him as they'll see how we are together and how we'll we know each other. So it'll be months and months, maybe another year before friends know, meet him etc and then maybe another 6 months before my children do. Probably longer to be sure I want to do that.
Urgh... I'm rambling, not even sure it makes sense. I can't see it working, we miss each other loads and are doing what we can to connect but I just feel so down at the thought of months more of minimal contact with him, or anyone else for that matter as I've kind of used up my support bubble with him, so I'm not allowed to see anyone else. I feel so isolated and alone, he's helping me to feel less like this and is so patient but I just really want normal.
I just don't know how this can work out. I'd love it to, I'm so happy with him and he's been really positive, trying to suggest ways we can spend time together without actually seeing each other.. But I can't help feeling so down about it. I kind of feel like just saying let's not bother until there's a vaccine and restrictions are lifted, but the thought of that is just miserable as no one really knows how long that'll be.
I guess maybe I treat it like a long distance relationship until then? Or do I just have a break until it all goes away 😭