Cheating Fiancé

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A's Dc1 had put a foreign object in their nose. Dc2 felt ignored while A was trying to get it out, and to get attention, put a foreign object inside their own nose too. A went to A&E with Dc1 & dc2, and as if that wasn't bad enough, fiancé wasn't there when they got back home. When fiancé did return, they stunk of perfume. A has had suspicions of cheating for a few weeks now, and is certain fiancé has cheated at this point. Fiancé has been tearful at the accusation, is denying it, and is refusing to hand over passwords because they think they deserve privacy. A has made it clear that the relationship is ending if fiancé doesn't admit things, share passwords and make an effort to change. However, even if they weren't together anymore they would still be living together as if they were, as it is not practical at all for A to leave the relationship for several years. What advice do you have for A, if any?

Are you A?

What was fiancé’s reason for smelling of perfume?
Where did they say that they had being whilst you was at A&E?
Why is it not practical for A to leave the relationship?

It’s hard to say what I would suggest you to do without knowing more

Fiancé was saying how could A not trust them, and that fiancé was wearing A's perfume as he missed them. A has a lot of perfume, but none of the perfumes smell like it. So another lie. A can't leave the relationship yet as their home dynamic means that A is not working, fiancé is whilst A looks after the children. A's children are too young to be left home alone for several years.

Wearing A's perfume as he missed them
Straight up lie.
Choices are stay or go really.

Forgot to mention that A's fiancé kept rambling on about trust and would not actually mention where he was.

Who owns the home?

Aaaah yes, because what man doesn’t want to smell like a woman while out and about.

If I were A I would tell him he needed to leave while (a) he thought about exactly what he wanted to say and (b) while A decided how she wanted to proceed.

A and A's fiancé jointly own the home

A should most likely leave but the fact they would have to stay with the fiancé isn't the best idea, but since A doesn't work I would say A should stay until further notice. As if there is more proof of cheating.

You just reminded me of a man I used to be in a relationship with. He used to have several different women's perfumes in his home and he used to wear them so when I asked about this he said he liked the way they smelt. Long story short he was seeing different women and the perfumes was his cover up. You would just think it was his lol

Everyone is entitled to their privacy but someone who isn't hiding anything would happily hand over their passwords especially if you mean something to them then they wouldn't risk loosing you over.

My advice to A would be to see a solicitor ASAP.

She is about to get fucked over. Unfortunately without bring married it will be a 50/50 split of the house (if no deed if trust etc in place) Is A able to return to work if getting help with childcare costs? Alternatively look at a 50/50 residency with the dad and work when he's got the kids? Lots here will depend on the finances and warning power on both sides.

Fiance let A take 2 small children to a&e alone. Unless that's covid restrictions that's seriously shit behaviour for a parent. . Then fiance missed A so much in the few hours that fiance covered themselves in A's perfume. Unless fiance has major separation anxiety and form for self soothing with perfume, that's the most ridiculous excuse I've every heard. EVER! And then fiance missed A so much they decided to go out and not be home when A gets back.

A should call fiancé's bluff and insist on marriage straight away - just a plain vanilla registry office do, witnesses only. Then in a year A should divorce his ass.

A does not need to stay at home and look after the kids for years. A can chose to seek out childcare so that she can work, A can do this while still living with fiancé if it makes the tradition easier and fiancé is not eager to move out. Fiancé can expect to at least pay half of his childcare costs and do half of all housework. Meanwhile, A can sleep separately if room allows, but should at the least aim to live her own life. A has fallen foul of taking a massive risk by being a SAHM whilst not having any financial protection of marriage.

Transition, not tradition

Btw, if fiancé is also biological father then they are not A's children. They are A's and fiancé's joint responsibility, a crucial point that fiancé may require reminding of.

Wearing A's perfume as he missed them

Good lord, I've heard it all now. As said, lie.

A needs to wake up a bit (lot). Her fiancé is clearly cheating. She’s got to find a way to leave (which might involve working herself and childcare). It’s ridiculous to stay in that environment for years just because the children are young. This is a man who doesn’t love you or care, and lies.