Marriage in tatters

[Mci09]

Been married for 20 years, 3 kids all school age. House is in my husbands name only, as at the time the broker advised us due to me not working as I am disabled was best if my husbands name was on it.
But I know regardless I’m due half wether my names on it or not .. ( Scotland)
Last 3 years has been unbelievably unbearable.. he’s verbally and emotionally abusive to me every other day.. and also our kids. He constantly moans about minor issues .. and makes mountains out of molehills... seems he’s not content without degrading us and complaining 24/7.

I’ve had enough and just today I asked him to leave .. he said over my dead body was he leaving and much more..
so I decided to get out at that point for a bit to clam down as the argument was verbally aggressive.. he’s shouting out the door .. I’m phoning social services as you are abandoning your kids ... I said I’ve left them with you their father. How’s that abandonment you fool !
anyway I went to visit my mums grave for a bit .. about 2 hours later I go back l, he’s locked me out ..
He let me in eventually after me banging on the door for 20 minutes.
I tried to discuss for him to leave as his parents have a 3 bed house, so plenty room for him .. opposed to the 4 of us trying to find somewhere.. he said no..
then I suggested putting the house on the market split the proceeds and go our separate ways he said no... offered to buy him out / or him me . That was also a no.
I feel trapped I can’t force him to sell as my names not on it ..
and he won’t leave ... uprooting my kids atm is not the right time as my oldest is sitting his prelims in a couple of weeks time, he’s ruined our lives up to this point ... I won’t allow him to ruin my child’s future and I want to try and keep things as smoothly as possible for the sake of my children.
I was in my room and My husband came in and said to me ! don’t speak to me again,
I can’t stand you and I’m sick of you and them.. ( kids) and don’t ask me for anything . money for kids birthday, or Christmas etc .. 7 hours have passed and he hasn’t spoken a word .. now he’s just went out .. no doubt to go up to his parents and tell them I’m the bad one and bad mouth me..
Is there anything I can do for the time being?

I’ve cried all day and feel incredibly overwhelmed with everything
I’ve even phoned the domestic abuse helpline but due to covid they have reduced hours and are closed.

Any advice welcome.

I was going to say to phone his parents and tell them the situation, that either he moves out or you and the kids will have to find somewhere else and 'that wouldn't be fair on them'. Ask them if they can talk him into staying there for a bit.

That being said, this might be tricky with him being there.

I think you need to speak to a solicitor.

Once divorced he will likely be forced to sell the home to split the assets. But perhaps more can be done before then.

You could also call the police next time he is verbally abusive to you and the kids. Or make a report of it now as its handy to have that sort of thing on record.

His parents are not approachable,, he has bad mouthed me that much over the years they believe everything he tells them..
he’s their “golden boy”
I’ve been keeping a diary of all the abuse and I also have secretly got him on video on my phone..
the very thought of having to stay here with him around until we are legally separated/ divorced .. makes me sick to my stomach.. but I think I will consider phoning the police
Maybe they will talk some sense into him and he will at least go and stay with his parents and leave us in peace..
Thank you for your reply.

Not much advice but just want to offer you a handhold, you're amazing to find the strength to day enough is enough. He sounds absolutely vile.

Do call the police if he's abusive to you - hopefully he'll fuck off to his parents.

See a solicitor OP. It is likely that you can make him sell as it will have to form part of the divorce settlement. You need proper advice and you need to get out of this relationship, Call Women's Aid for advice.

Can you afford to speak to a solicitor in the morning? He sounds like such a nasty piece of work. I'm so sorry you're in that situation.

Thank you all very much for your replies getting it all off my chest feels like the worlds weight is finally off me.. and I can finally not be that woman who try’s and hides the relationship problems to everyone .. which I have been doing for years. I’m going to put him to my family once and for all. I’m done hiding it.
Yes he is extremely vile.. and for no reason other than for him to feel in power, and control us all..
I will phone woman’s aid tomorrow at 10am as soon as it opens.
And hopefully I can stomach him a few more weeks and just try and keep the peace for the sake of my child sitting his prelims beginning of December.

You are being an awesome mother, your son is very lucky to have you. Best of luck with the solicitor!

Thank you 😊