Downloaded porn

[shas19]

Been with partner 4 years, no problems in the bedroom we have a good sex life. I saw this morning that there was charges on the phone bill which there shouldn't be, long story short hes been downloading porn. Him and his work mates all went it to each other on a group chat. He lied to my face at first saying he hadnt downloaded anything etc. Now, porn doesnt bother me but the lying and secretly downloading it does. I now feel really insecure, hes said it was nothing and not to worry but I'm so hurt

God lamppost not the time for your lecture.

Op, I think you are actually bothered by the porn. Which is totally ok. I'd suggest having a chat with him to explain why you're upset. Once dp is feeling less defensive and cornered perhaps you can have a more constructive discussion. Lots of to you.

Sharing it with us mates on a group chat is creepy AF. Very blokey and laddish.

Was he downloading it or was he just watching it using phone data? I'm sure that watching stuff online or looking at pics is classed as downloading data on the bill...but you're not actually saving it to your phone!

Have you ever discussed watching porn before? I'm thinking that you didn't because in your OP you said you didn't mind the porn watching but in your later posts you seem to be unsure about whether you have a problem with it or not. If you haven't discussed it before then I could see why he might be embarrassed and lie when confronted. I think that's forgivable as long as he told the truth after having a short period to tell the truth.

@crotoneyedjoe

God lamppost not the time for your lecture.

Op, I think you are actually bothered by the porn. Which is totally ok. I'd suggest having a chat with him to explain why you're upset. Once dp is feeling less defensive and cornered perhaps you can have a more constructive discussion. Lots of to you.

Cotoneyejoe , no lecture at al. I’m sorry you have trouble discerning opinion from lecture . Perhaps it’s in fact you who has the issue with the truth that all porn is in fact paid porn . Perhaps it means you have to question your own morality.. hmmm .

However my post wasn’t about you . It was about asking the op to examine her true concerns and why she is hurt . There is absolutely nothing wrong with her being bothered by the porn whether paid from his account or not . The posts about why it bothers her are unclear

OP many women feel uncomfortable with their partners watching porn and find it disrespectful . There is nothing wrong with you often women feel they can’t say that it’s not ok with them as there is a big push from society in general to see it as boys being boys or just a bit of fun
You don’t have to fall into line . You can speak your truth . Is it possible to maybe just sit down and articulate with him how it makes you feel and open some dialogue between you both