Feeling guilty about seeing someone new

[soloedition]

I was dating a wonderful guy and we split early this year due to the fact I wanted children and he didn’t. He’s genuinely a lovely guy, It was a very amicable split we just wanted different things. We’re still good friends, we text regularly, go for lunch/coffee etc... (when it’s not a national lockdown!). The last few months I’ve been dating someone new. He’s lovely, very sweet and I think it has the potential to go somewhere. The problem is I feel guilty about my ex. I feel like I’m doing something wrong and feel anxious all the time. I know we’ve split up and I know we want different things so we wouldn’t get back together but I can’t shake the guilt.

I don’t want this to impact on what could potentially be a really good relationship but I don’t know how to shake the guilt

Have you told your ex you're seeing someone new?

No not yet, it’s still early days so I haven’t actually told anyone

Maybe it's that then? Perhaps if you told him you've started dating again it would alleviate the guilty feelings.

Was it you who pulled the trigger on ending the relationship?

How would you feel if he was dating someone else?

It could well be.

The break up was more of a mutual ending to be honest. Although he brought up the topic so I’m pretty sure knew where it was heading.

Honestly, I think I’d be quite upset at him dating someone else (which is stupid!) . I think that’s part of what worries me actually, it took a while to get to the friendship we have now and I’d hate to ruin it because I can’t imagine not having him in my life.

'Just to let you know, I've started dating again' ... job done.

Hmm I dont think I could continue a friendship with the ex, it complicates things and you're feelings will naturally be pulled both ways irrelevant of why you split. Give the new guy a chance and break up yhe friendship with the ex?

Yeah, you need to stop seeing the ex as much, cut right back to contacting him maybe only once every couple of weeks (like you would with a needy friend who you didn't want to hurt).

You're in a new relationship, and your new man needs to be more of a priority for now. How would YOU feel if your new boyfriend was always contacting and seeing HIS ex ?

You know the ex doesn't want the same things you do, so you KNOW there's no future with him as your partner, so put him WAY down your list of priorities...............he's an Ex for a reason !

Boyfriend
Work
Close family
Close friends ( the Ex DOESN'T get in this category)
More distant family
Work friends
Acquaintances
Ex boyfriend

When you're NOT planning your life around your Ex, you'll feel much better.

You're never going to move on whilst you're still so close to an ex you have feeling sfor

Just to add to my point and to echoe others it really isn't fair on the new guy and you will never be able to fully give him all of you as part of you is still clinging on to your ex. I really think its difficult to maintain a friendship with an ex. Are you sure you are ready to move on?

I think you should be feeling guilty towards the new guy you're dating OP
Sounds like you've one foot in and one foot out of your new relationship.
I wouldn't be a bit happy if I was dating someone like you.
Does your new guy know about your relationship with your ex ?