Lazy partner

[uqueen]

Anyone else's partner extremely lazy, mine does nothing, i ask him for help and can he help me tidy and he say can't be bothered you need a cleaner, I don't expect much, I really love him, but I feel like I have another teenager not partner, we are just about to see a mortgage broker and go find a house to buy but it makes me feel sad and not happy like I should, he does have a physical job but so do I, I have my own gardening business and work long hours, so I get tired like him, but it's all up to me it sucks, sorry just need to vent

I would actually be wondering why you are with him at all. You really do not expect much do you from a relationship and your boundaries and relationship bar are both way too low. You've allowed him to basically come along and use you like this?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up; were you taught to be a people pleaser?. Did you see your mother do everything whilst your dad sat there and did nothing within the home?.

This man lives there too; he tidying up is part of that and he is equally responsible for how the property is kept (none of this you need a cleaner. Note too he used the word you rather than we). Its not about him "helping you" and besides which he regards that as your role (or a cleaner's) by dint of fact you are female.

What is it that you love about this manchild?. What are you getting out of this relationship now?. Cancel the mortgage broker and certainly do not purchase a house with him. I would also be looking at ending this relationship as well.

Raise your bar! You say you really love him, but can you say why? It doesn't sound like he does very much to improve your life, or that he cares about things that are important to you.

Are you just scared of being single? Whats worse, this situation in 4 or 5 years time when you're stuck with a lazy selfish person, with a house together and even worse a DC whom he does absolutely fuck all with.

So many women complain that their partners who did fuck all before they had kids, are still doing shock, fuck all afterwards. Its because people don't change. You need to judge by actions not words.

The only thing you can change is you. Don't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you their priority, this will never change.

Do not buy a house with him ffs! Dear god, is this how you dream of your future - with a lazy, manchild who expects you to mother him and be his maid?

Love is NOT enough. You can't love him into being a decent partner. You can't love in into respecting you and treating you as an equal. You can't love him into taking responsibility like an adult.

You're setting yourself up for misery. At least your teenager will grow up eventually (unless they model his awful example). This man never will. He'll be a permanent teenager hanging like a mill stone around your neck as you run yourself ragged and have your joy sucked out of you.

No, no I don’t have a lazy partner.
The reason that I don’t have a lazy partner is because I have zero tolerance for crappy behaviour.
I just could not ever be with someone like that I’m afraid.
I know you say you love him, but that will probably turn to hate after a while, when kids are involved, that hate will speed up and will turn into desperate hate.
No. I wouldn’t be with anyone who treated me like that. He would be gone I’m afraid.

Yes you are all right, I will also add, the teenager is my son from a previous relationship, he isn't lazy, just my partner, I was in a abusive relationship for 13 years with my kids dads and I think my standard have fallen, I don't know why I can't be on my own, but it would probably be easier in some ways