I’m early 40’s now and have felt this way for past 10 years or so since I had my children when it came to the surface.
I prob always felt anger but didn’t know it and didn’t know why.
Through no fault, my mum was never there for me in the sense a child needs their parent to be there. She suffered depression my whole childhood and had a breakdown and was hospitalised when i was 14. She was in and out of hospital for a few years and after that she was medicated so I guess that made her subdued and tired a lot.
Anyway, I think it was pot luck I had good friends at the time and always used to escape to them for normality.
I know my mum loved me and loves me now but we have a strange relationship and I’m angry about not having a mum to have called on when needed, I feel like I have had to figure most stuff out on my own in life. It may not sound that bigger deal but it deeply saddens me, I know others have had worse in life so I guess I have things to be thankful for. I remember a lot of my younger years feel on edge about my mums mood, she would cry a lot. We would sit in parks when we prob should have been at school, I don’t know why. I’m angry at my dad too don’t worry, he worked 40+ hours a week keeping us in a home and with food and maybe he thought that was enough.
I had the necessities but not guidance or stability to some extent, I’m angry about it but it isn’t anyone’s fault so I don’t know where to place my anger, so I probably be snappy with her, get easily frustrated with her (she’s a massive people pleaser and always sits on the fence and has some really strange ideas at times). I feel tearful writing this, there is so much more I could say but I have gone on for long enough.
I wonder if anyone has been in similar situations? Or any advice or ideas at all really. Thank you for reading.