I can't forgive dp for what he said

[flashzee]

It's been 6 years and I'm still annoyed by it.

When I had my ds I was rushed in for emergency c section. Ds was fine but I needed a lot of blood and was understandably in a lot of pain. I won't go into detail but I was in a bad way.

A few weeks later I was allowed home. As soon as I got in I sat down and dp asked me what was for tea! I was stunned and replied by saying I would have thought he could sort it.
He replied ok, whilst I make the tea if you could tidy dd bedroom as it's a right mess.

I sat there shocked. Dp couldn't understand why.

A few months later I talked to him about it and he said it was just a really stressful time for him and he needed someone to help out.

I wish I'd walked away then really but I didn't because I was scared to be alone.

Fast forward to now and it still annoys me every day. I don't think I will ever get over it.

OMG-I came home after 12 days had gallbladder surgery,pancreatitis and a emergency c-section-my husband warned me "Now don't you dare do anything-Ill be helping you!" If my hubby had asked me to clean or cook? I'd have ripped him a new one.

As pp said, you can change your choice to stick it out at any time. it doesn't matter if you mostly get on OK now, those shit years and his outbursts came at a cost to your happiness and to your relationship. If you're ready to make the jump and split up, you can. You don't need a new reason. You don't need to spend your life with someone you resent.

You can still walk away now. You can muster the strength now. So you don't still regret it in another 6 years.

It's not so much about what happened then - if it had been a thoughtless one off, you would likely have forgiven him long ago. But about how you feel now. You obviously aren't happy, that's what you need to focus on, and decide what to do about it.

Don't regret past actions, or lack of them. You can't change the past and you likely had very good reasons then for not attempting to do anything about it.

Nothing to stop you walking away now. You don't need 'an event'. He sounds horrible.

What’s stopping you leaving now?

You talked it through and he said he was stressed. You were in hospital a number of weeks so he had to take over. He probably (wrongly) assumed as you were let out, you were now fine. You are probably angry because of other behaviours after this rather than this one event.

So your youngest is 6 now? You have more choices. Dwelling on something said 6 years ago isn't the healthiest thing you could be doing. When your DC leave home, is this a man you'll enjoy spending your time with, or will you still be thinking about an old conversation about making tea and tidying a bedroom? Either forgive and forget, or make a difficult decision and move on.

You were traumatised by what he expected and how he treated you at the time and you still are all these years later. What about counselling and /or hypnosis?

My ex always soldiered on regardless of how ill he is which means he has no sympathy for anyone needing to rest and recover.

I remember having food poisoning and his nod to that was to buy frozen pizzas for me to cook! I told him where to stick it.

Another vote for asking him to do DIY after he has had surgery. I would be weighing up options as he sounds like a lazy selfish dick

Op why can’t you walk away now? You clearly want to.

I mean... the comment just sounds like a bit of a thoughtless non-event really. The rages, less so. Why did you stay through those? Why continue to stay now if you're unhappy?