Please advise - anxious attachment in relationships

[PercyPiglet1]

Has anyone been successful overcoming the triggers? I get concerned if they message less, pursue less (not ridiculously so, but I'm sensitive to it).

Ive been known to find 'reasons' to end a relationship because I'm too anxious about where I stand. If they protest then I usually stay, if not I know I was right to end it . I've read some books, hoping for experience or hopefully successes others have had though! Either being the anxious one or being in a relationship with someone who is anxious. Thank you!

Developing the ability to self-sooth via reparenting.

Being in personal relationships with securely attached people who will accommodate (but not indulge) your triggers whilst you work on them.

So they’ll be prepared to take about your anxieties in a kind, neutral and supportive fashion. They’ll also take responsibility for and change any of their behaviours that are erosive of trust. And they will be gentle with you whilst you adjust to any of their behaviours that do trigger you but which are in reality fine.

Gosh I’m relieved not to be in relationship at the moment . They really do require a leap of faith & they’re so anxiety provoking. I agree with you @PirateCatQueen but I’ve met too many eye-rolling men who laughed at or belittled my triggers to take the chance any time soon.

@Separatedandabitsad I’m sorry to hear that. Says a lot more about them than about you.

I kinda meant any type of personal relationship, not just romantic ones, so (good) friends too.

Also, I’m bi and the first partner I had with whom I could be open about these things was female,

That said, I’ve been open with male partners since. Telling them has been them has been an effective way of kissing frogs. Saws wasting any time on idiots.

The answer might lie here " (A) If they protest then I usually stay, (B) if not I know I was right to end it"
Both A and B are dependent on the other person's needs, wants or behaviours, not on your own needs or wants.
In (A) you did what they wanted and put aside what you may have wanted, in (B) it was I'll leave it up to the other person to decide if they want me or not.

Whatever the attachment style, what helps is increased self awareness of YOUR own needs and wants, and increased openness to the reality of how much you put aside your needs and wants in order to preserve the relationship at all costs.
The cost to your sense of self, your self esteem and self respect in the relationship is deliberately put aside and denied because the cost of not having the relationship seems to be higher.
If the other person is playing games by avoiding, or devaluing you by avoiding or pushing away, silent treatment etc then that is not a respectful way to conduct a relationships.
But in that situation, you might be so distracted by the overwhelming fear of the failure of the relationship that you don't notice you are being treated like shit on a day to day basis by someone.

Thanks @PirateCatQueen I feel lonely & for that reason I’d love a relationship but honestly don’t know if I could go through the waiting & wondering & guessing again. I wish I could figure out how to be happy single. It’d make it easier.