Can trust be rebuilt

[Maryamerax]

Can you trust your other half once trust is broken over lies about there whereabouts, who they meet, who they speak too. (i believe this is not always, i believe my partner is truthful all times, unless im being foolish and in denial i dont know)

If they say they want to fix things and make it work is it possible to mend trust or just a waste of time

Any advice id appreciate x

It depends what they've done. If they've just gone to the shop without telling you then it's not a problem, if they've gone to see their ex and slept over then it obviously is

@Shoxfordiana no thats very silly of me to be upset over lool.

Speaking to a new female mate also met up with her to help with an issue apparently for only 30mins. i never knew

My ex cheated on me. I was devastated but I gave him another chance. But the trust was forever broken. I constantly wondered who he was talking to, what he was doing all the time. And I would ask him every day if he had contacted the OW. For about a few weeks he told me no but one day he hesitated and admitted that he had. And that was it for me. I knew I couldn’t live worrying every day about his faithfulness, so we ended it.

But I know of someone who went thru the same about 10 yrs ago and they are now stronger than ever. So it all depends on the people involved

No chance of ever rebuilding trust.0nce it’s gone that’s it!

@widespreadpanic, didn't you think that by being honest and telling you he had been in contact he was trying to keep his promise to, er, be honest? However, if it was he who contacted the OW then of course, all bets off.
Sorry you had to go through this.
I don't believe trust, once broken, could be repaired, but if there are valid reasons for staying together, new rules must be set. It will never be the same but as long as one has life outside the relationship, it could be managed.

You always wonder even if the relationship is repaired. I only trust myself now.

You can definitely rebuild trust but I think it's the exception rather than the rule. I also think it's the circumstances in which they were found out, or did they admit it? The latter is more promising.

From cheating, I'd say no.

But if he lied to you, you need to sit and think about why. You know him well - do you think he lied because he was hiding an affair, or because he thought you would overreact?

Try to understand the motivation behind his actions, even ask him about it in a calm and open conversation if you feel able.

I think you can rebuild trust but it depends on a lot of factors- the initial deception, the people involved, the effort the person who broke the trust is prepared to go to to gain trust back and rebuild the relationship. I don't think it's an easy road or possible for all circumstances/couples, but it is definitely possible. It depends on whether it's worth it for you as an individual though.

I was cheated on and I gave my relationship another chance. It screws with your mind, you are forever wondering if they really want to be with the other person, checking what time theyre back, if they are where they say they are going to be! If you truly love someone you have no need to cheat. Harsh as that sounds - its true. You can limp on for a while and waste your time or you can find someone worthy ! I have and believe me trust is everything!!

[quote Maryamerax]@Shoxfordiana no thats very silly of me to be upset over lool.

Speaking to a new female mate also met up with her to help with an issue apparently for only 30mins. i never knew[/quote]
Why didn't he tell you? How did you find out?

Basically, there are two scenarios to consider initially. One: he didn't think it was that big a deal, maybe forgot to mention it to you? Two: he wanted to keep it secret from you (for whatever reason - could be he though you might get jealous, or could be that he's interested in her)? Which is it likely to be?