Spogs, I've read through both your threads and I think you now know the answers, whether from a male or female point of view.
Sadly, as others (both male & female) have said, it looks as tho' you have a major breakdown of trust, for whatever reason. From a bloke's point of view, your DH could be in a bit of the "venus & mars" thing as someone suggested - or rather just good old fashioned being pissed off that you have been snooping and the inherent lack of trust that goes with that. (Chicken & egg?)
You both obviously have a trust problem and it could be that the whole thing has spriralled downwards - having, it seems, from what I have read of both threads - grown arms and legs in your own mind, before you were able to raise the issue without any sense of confrontation. And then of course, stubbornness can kick in - with neither of you able to find a way out of the situation without "backing down" or admitting that you were in the wrong.
It does seem that there's now a need to talk to help recover the situation.
from a bloke's perspective, I like the views that skidoddle has offered you, although I will say that you might find that it might take a bit of work to get your dh to counselling, because it is just possible that this has gotten out of control because your dh got seriously knarked at what he might see is you jumping to conclusions and not trusting him.
not so much a bloke's opinion, more another interpretation.