Partners ex phoning on his birthday evening

[bagpuss90]

Long back story here - my parter lived with this woman they split up but stayed friends with benefits for years. A couple of years ago he was in her part of the world on business and planned to stay at hers . I wasn’t happy with this -I thought they’d end up in bed. He dumped he over it- but actually ended up not going there. We got back together -only split for a cpl of weeks. Fast forward to his birthday last week . I’d tried to make it the best birthday possible under the circumstances. We had a lovely day. I left his around 7 .Then I find out later in the week that the ex phoned him during the evening and he spent the rest of the nite on the phone to her. I can’t believe she rang. I’d never call an ex on their birthday evening if they were in a relationship -I wouldn’t want to rock the boat and possibly upset the new parter. As usual he’s saying it’s me -I’m unreasonable and so on.

Calling an ex you're friends with to wish them happy birthday is totally normal in my book and I would dump any partner who had an issue with that. Of course you call people on their actual birthday to wish them happy birthday.

How do you know he spent the rest of the evening on the phone? If he specifically brought that up then that is a problem indeed.

He told me they were on the phone for hours

I just asked what they were talking about. Apparently it’s none of my business

Your trying to force him to chose you or his friend! Don’t do that - if you can’t handle him being friends with her then just end the relationship. Being jealous and going on at him about it and how it upsets you is a waste of time - the relationship Is not for you!

You are not in a monogamous relationship, I hope you realise that. The longer this goes on the more of your self esteem he will errode. End it now and stop letting him make you do the pick me dance.

@bagpuss90

My self esteem is on the floor. There’s been stuff with other exes too. i think he gaslights me

Op it doesn't actually matter if we or he thinks you are being unreasonable etc etc., what matters is this relationship doesn't feel safe for you and doesn't build you up.

Can i gently suggest you just leave it now. You don't need to keep trying with this person and you don't need his permission or ours to end it.

Its really quite simple, don't spend time with people who destroy your confidence. The whys and wherefores aren't really the issue tbh.

I really don't want to be 'that guy' but unless you're outside of the uk, I don't think it was technically allowed for you to be at his for his birthday. (I could be very wrong).

In all honesty though, I'm saying this with the best of intentions, because you don't need to put yourself at risk of getting fined for some ungrateful fuckwit that wants to have his cake and eat it. He sounds like an absolute bellend; one of those people that you'd look back and and think 'what the hell was I on?'.

I hope you realise very quickly that you're better than this, you don't need his drama in your life. Tell him to fuck himself.

I can’t believe she rang.

I can't believe that you are chasing a man who so clearly treats you as an option. He broke up with you over her, and then you went back. Genuinely asking, can you not see the problem here?

We both live alone - so allowed a bubble -Jesus 🙄

Okay... well I hope you enjoy bubbling with him going forwards then. I'll butt out.

Sorry PeachGinMummy. I do honestly appreciate your other comments tho- thank you .

Dump him asap op. His behaviour towards you couldnt be any clearer that he will choose her over you every single time. You deserve better. Also how rude to tell you its none of your business. I sometimes ask dp who hes texting and what about in conversation and he does it to me. If either of us replied none of your business then something is seriously wrong.