Am I wrong to want someone to ask how I am?

[MyMistakeToMake]

For a start off I know this is a bit of a pity post and I apologise but it's been playing over in my mind for a while (especially at night when I don't sleep and spend time planning on how a conversation would go)

I'm one of those people who always asks how people are, offers help if needed and would completely step up if someone asks for help. I go out of my way to make sure other people are ok often at my own expense money or time wise. I'm the bottom of my own list always. So far so people pleaser? It plays on my mind a lot if I don't or can't help for some reason. I know this stems from to my upbringing.

At this point I need to say that my husband is very supportive and knows me incredibly well and knows all my quirks. He adores me. I'm very fortunate.

My issues lie more with my family.
Since lockdown began my dad hasn't once asked how I am (despite me being a 'key worker'. Sorry I know that phase is hated on here). I sometimes drop into conversation that I've found it tough or that I'm struggling a bit but he never digs just carries on talking about himself or his partner (who he's been with for 12 months) or her daughter. He sends photos of his partners grandchild to me. I've never met her and am unlikely to.
He never asks about his grandchildren (mine or my siblings) but would keep me on the phone for hours talking about his issues.
I'm currently going through a health investigation that will be lengthy. I sent a message to my mum last week about it basically looking for some support and I got nothing. Just some comments about how she had had similar (but not) several years ago and she was ok. When I tried again I got a couple of emojis back.

What am I doing wrong?
I am happy to spend time listening to them and their issues. I always text and ask how they are and listen to their answers.
Is it wrong that I would like to have parents instead of parenting them?
I did have counselling a few years back which helped a bit. I think I need to go back.

My mum is exactly the same . She has gone more and more self obsessed as time goes on, and speaking to friends I think this is a common thing with elderly parents . Never asks about anyone else, even her own grandkids . Sad really, it's stopped me wanting to go and see her

It's shit isn't it?
My mum is the one out of the two of them who does sometimes ask. For my dad it's more having a photo of them he can share on fb with some caption or other.

I've more or less given up now and only see her out of a sense of duty .

Unfortunately, many people have lost the art of conversation, which should be two sided - telling your own story and listening to others.

@GintyMarlow2

Unfortunately, many people have lost the art of conversation, which should be two sided - telling your own story and listening to others.

Yeah they definitely don't listen, just wait for their turn to talk. I'm not sure they've ever been any different tbh.

It's sad, and I'm sorry it's happening to you but I don't think you can do anything about it, and at their age they're not going to change. The only thing to do is to accept the situation, and try not to let it affect you too much.
Alternatively, you could turn the tables by beginning the conversation with a breezy, 'Hi, how are you?' and then launching into your own news without stopping. Then before they have time to talk about themselves, say, 'Is that the time? Sorry, I have to go.'
It might possibly make them think about their own behaviour (but I wouldn't count on it).

No, you know you're not in the wrong.
I'm sorry and I can sadly relate. I'd suggest ask less about them, keep conversations briefer. Start valuing your precious time. I did so much listening, emotional care and practical support for family members, but the minute I got pregnant or had a crisis - some members vanished. As in seriously were happy to suddenly drop contact with my ds.
And I was left wondering why did I do that for so many years, did I really think it would be recipricated. You mention childhood, it was all set up for me there too. But I'd advise instead of waiting for a crisis, start with some boundaries now and meeting new people who just may be there for you. Hard currently I know.