Been left out of the blue

[CharBluebells]

This is my first time posting on here but I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar as I’m struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I have 2 children from a previous relationship age 5 and 10. I have been with my partner for 3 years after we had been working together for a long time.

We had a very happy and loving relationship and had lots of plans for the future, we were in the process of looking to buy a house together, had spoken about marriage and having our own child in the future. He is absolutely amazing with my 2 boys and they adore him, have a very close bond with him. He truly was the man of my dreams and treated us all with such love and kindness, we were I thought a very happy family.

2 weeks ago just as we went into this 2nd lockdown he told me that he wasn’t happy and that a month previously he has cheated and slept with someone else as a one night stand. Obviously I was shocked and devastated but I said I wanted to see if we could make it work because I love him and didn’t want to throw away our whole relationship. He said he couldn’t forgive himself and left- he has moved back to his parents which is about 2 hours away, he has handed his notice in at work (we work at the same place) and he has totally cut me and my children off and abandoned us. I am really struggling to come to terms with it all as it was so sudden and out of the blue, me and my children are terribly hurt and I feel totally lost.

Oh op, this is awful.

Do you have any support

Unfortunately it wasn't out of the blue though was it . He owned up to cheating on you and has said he's not happy.

It’s awful for you. I’m in a similar situation just a couple of month on and I do feel a bit calmer, definitely not ok.

The way he has cut contact is even more shocking though. There’s a website called Runawayhusbands or similar you should look at because, it seems, this is not uncommon.

I'm sorry, OP. It's come as a shock to you because you didn't know about it. He did. It sounds as if he couldn't live the lie and that's to his credit really but it's a shame he didn't end things with you before cheating. You made the concession of offering forgiveness and to try again and it probably feels like a smack in the face that he didn't want that but ultimately, it's far more respectful to you to not give false hope. It doesn't make it any easier though, I know.

I suspect that you're mostly sad for the loss of your children's relationship with him as it sounds as if they were quite close. They will get over not seeing him but it'll take some time.

It's crap but there's no quick cure for heartbreak, you just have to keep going, an hour, a day at a time until you get through it.

he has moved back to his parents which is about 2 hours away, he has handed his notice in at work (we work at the same place) and he has totally cut me and my children off and abandoned us

This is just absolutely crazy behaviour on his part. I think the fact that he has left his job without another job to go to (and its a very hard time to find work) usually indicates that someone is very unbalanced.

The cutting off usually indicates that he is very ashamed/guilty but theres no need for him to leave his job and move back in with his parents just because he cheated (sorry to minimise it). Its such a complete over-reaction that it makes me wonder whether whatever happened is much more than a ONS.