Spending in a new relationship

[IsabelleJane]

My new boyfriend is lovely but I've recently been thinking about how he spent lots of money on his previous girlfriend. He says he regrets it now because they weren't together long and he's learnt his lesson about spending on women. With us, it's very equal. But does that mean he cares less about me? I don't need expensive things at all but the thought of him being so demonstrative with another makes me question my own relationship.

I'd be more concerned with his need to say this to you tbh. And if wonder if it was even true or actually just a justification to be tight as fuck in future.

Also 'learned his lesson about spending on women'...eee...tad mysoginistic perhaps.

Is he pleasant about women/his exs in general?
Is he generally respectful of you?

I'm sorry but that's not something he should have verbalised to you OP.. because look what he has inadvertently done... he has you questioning your worth now... what a PRATT..

Strange conversation to be having in a new relationship.
Why is he telling you how much spent on his last girlfriend? Sounds like he sees this as some sort of transaction; a failed investment?
Make sure you are looking for the same in a relationship. And I don't mean splitting the bill.

Not weird it's equal from the start.

Very weird he made a point of telling you this.

I dont see why he needed to tell you that tbh.

He sounds like he is a bit bitter about what happened.

People always say they want honesty, and he was just being honest and you've chosen to get upset by it.

He regrets spending money on a GF that went nowhere and he's probably making it clear at the moment that he wants things to be equal. Give him time and he might feel at ease and not worry about spending money.

Relax for now I say and see how it goes. He's not making you spend on him, if he treats you well, what is there to worry about. If everything is equal, that's the way it should be, you'll see in time if he's a real tightwad.

Why is he telling you this?

I used to be more generous?

Personally, I am a grown up and will pay my own way (much to DH disgust).

It's like he is saying he didn't get much return on his investment with the prior woman. Transactional.

But, it's not horrible. I suppose. I wonder why he felt the need to tell you - an excuse not to pay? Does he need an excuse to go 50-50? Not a deal breaker to me. I am okay with 50-50 because I don't want to feel like I owe anyone anything. Maybe he is struggling with dialing it back.

Oh no. It makes me cringe when talk about money arises so early. The fact that he mentioned it at all is alarm belling-ly - already setting a precedent, already setting a standard. Eek. If you really like him I’d not go into it with him. Just go with it and be equal - if it evolves and money isn’t an issue, then fair enough. But if his bitterness about being out of pocket and not getting his money’s worth from his previous girlfriend goes on then I’d say leave it alone. It doesn’t need to be an issue, he’s the one making it one.

Bit weird foe him to mention it but it doesn't mean he likes you less. My dp and i have had the same chat once as it came up for a reason. My dp used to spend loads on his ex more than he had (still does) and now hes learned his lesson and definitely doesn't spend anything near that on me, but it doesnt mean he loved her more than me. He was just childish then and thought it was the thing to do in a relationship. Now older and wiser lifes more equal.

I don't think it's nice to hear that he's not spending on women because of a failed relationship, you are worthy too!
Yes being equal is obviously healthy but isn't just nice to feel spoilt sometimes, it's a bit sad if he never wants to spend anymore then his equal share, he's your boyfriend not a date.